NM, thank you for posting such nice thoughts! AND validating AND adding your own 2 cents!
What would be my first step? Mr. A opening up about what went wrong. He doesn't have to do it in front of a counselor - he totally hates that idea right now - but at least he would have to do it in front of me.
We talked again tonight and I tried to broach the subject. Admittedly, my approach was pretty lame. I said, "I was so excited to marry you. We had such an amazing relationship before we got married. But I definitely think something changed, do you?" He said yes. Then I said, "I don't know what happened; do you know?" No, he said he didn't know.
When I was getting DB coaching from Jody, she told me to "fish". She meant to ask questions such that Mr. A would feel like answering. Tonight I didn't fish, I just let it go. I said what I felt like saying and he threw a few things out there too. But I'll fish more next time, because there's nothing in the future for Mr. A and me if we can't be honest with each other, even when it comes to the hard stuff.
Truth is, I feel good about our conversation tonight. I didn't get firm answers about what went wrong, but we each put a toe into the emotional pool. He tried again to get me to let him come over. I said no, but I agreed to go to "his place" on Wednesday to see it. WITH the understanding that we won't be intimate.
It was an interesting conversation for sure. Better than yesterday....
