She's in MLC, but I was weak. Now what?

[crushednstuck]

Time for an update after posting on others.
I met with IC today who said I needed to create consequences for W. I have told her in the past of my strategy to evaluate myself, make changes, focus on fatherhood, etc. Yet my IC was genuinely upset when I told her that W said she didn't think it was a good idea for me join her at MIL and FIL with kids for Turkeyday.

I wasn't initially phased. In fact, I ignored it. I'll plan to go anyway unless she repeats it. But IC says "its ok for her to hang around and get her 'family fix' with you on her terms, but when she realizes you pose a threat because of your relationship with her family, it not OK for you to be with your kids?"

This did cut me. I've been stuck seemingly forever. There's no movement forward or back. She won't file because she's a cake-eater. She won't come back because she's re-written our history and doesn't see me for who I am.

I guess I realized today that my W is really not just angry. She's an angry person. And she probably has been since I met her. The reason her memory of the past is so good is because she archives any negative feelings and uses them to fuel her present day fury. She simply won't let things go. Never did.

She hates me because I was 'unemotional'. But I realize I was always scared of setting off the powder keg. Perhaps because of my own insecurities. I'm unsure if that will change with the end of the A, if it ends. But it won't be because I haven't spoken up. If someone re-writes history and then won't let it go, where does that leave me?