Your thoughts towards OW and the child are your thoughts. It is certainly understandable that you are angry and devastated. You asked whether it was bad that you have certain thoughts? I prefer to think of it as understandable and human. However, it is not productive or healthy for YOU to become consumed by this so you will have to find a HEALTHY way to work it out of your system.
It all comes down to you, Mystik. This is where you pick yourself up by your bootstraps. This is where you say definitively that your love life and sex life are NOT OVER at 32. I am a few years older than you and I feel that the possibilities are endless in my life. I really do.
Mystik, you have your son and you have life. These are two great gifts. Many people on this Board have been seriously ill or still have medical issues. Life will send you all sorts of hard knocks. Everyone is walking some sort of hard road. If there is one thing I understand it is that everyone has challenges in life whether it be in the area of health, finances, family, whatever. I hear some incredibly challenging stories from people who smile so much and are so upbeat that I never would have imagined the challenges they faced or are facing.
I don't say this to belittle what you are facing or to compare your pain to anyone else's. The road you are on is hard. But you are still blessed, no matter what. This is where you look at what you HAVE rather than what you do not have. Who is Mystik? What is she made of? Does she get knocked down and stay down?Or does she get back up (with hard work and time) and become a woman who can smile at life? It is time to get back YOUR POWER. And if you think you never had any, it is time to find some.
I don't know about the OW getting the best of your H. I tend to think that spouses who walk out of their marriages and engage in affairs are not the best choices for any OW/OM unless they have done serious work to avoid repeating that drama again. BUT even if they are "soulmates" and bring out the best in each other, it really doesn't matter now. You cannot force anyone to love you or be faithful to you. But YOU can decide how to life your life with grace and joy. And you can decide to get to a healthy and even happy place. And you DO IT.
