Lost, I can't seemed to get it together myself. I have been separated for almost five months. My W has a boyfriend and told me ILYBINILWY. She now does not call or text. People on here are wonderful and very supportive. I stay in my little room and have nothing to do. My family is not around, I have spent the last 25 years with my W's family and this Holiday season I will be alone. I will see my girls sometime on Xmas day. This will be the first time in 19 years that I was not there when they woke up. Do you think that my W cares, I don't think so, as they say she is in a fog and only thinks about how she feels with OM. She even let him into the house that I pay for. I am hanging in there and so should you. I am trying to come up with some things to do by myself. Its hard but I am seeing a C as well and I feel good after we talk. I am also on AD and they have helped me in my sich. SO please hang in there and we can talked to each other on a regular basis. Also heed some of the advice on hear, its great. My prayers are with you.
One less- i can completely relate, i have been with my husband's family on holidays too mine lives far away. i struggle, as a mom, with you to handle this with my son. it makes me feel like i have nothing to offer him sometimes. Stay home with me, by myself for the holiday, or go with my husband and be around cousins,aunts, uncles, and grandparents. someone suggested to me volunteering at a soup kitchen. i might try to do that. i am sorry that you are going through this too.
Sandi- Thanks for trying to answer my question. You are right, this is not the person i married, and there have been so many times in the past 6 months that i wish that i never had married him. my counselor has told me don't try to make sense of the irrational, and that is how he is acting.
Lost, I made the decision for Thanksgiving to call my SIL and tell her that I don't want the family feeling uncomfortable on this holiday, There would be a white elephant in the room. My W said the same thing she did not want to put a face on. The trouble is her family seems not to be to impressed with her choices, however I suspect that OM will be at Thanksgiving. So I don't know what XMAS holds but I am devastated to say the least. A soup kitchen sounds like a great idea. Keep your head up and we will get through this one way or another. I want my W and family and in our case we will lose everything we have and she seems fine with it. This chemical imbalance she has is driving me crazy and hopefully she will come out of this fog.
Just wanted to add, my sitch is really similar to the the last few posts....
I am going away for Thanksgiving, and I have no clue how I am going to handle Christmas, my wife is in a fog, and has no care for anything but her and POSOM.
Heck the woman who raised me, and helped us passed away last week, and my wife never called, sent a card, nothing.
She doesn't call, or talk, and the few emails I get is about how the divorce will go.
I am on the scrap heap.
We will get by everyone, we have to.
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
AAUUUGHHH! This no contact is so hard!! I want to call him so badly right now. I am not even doing no contact as a db technique. I am doing it for survival. I am sure that this is over, he is not coming back, and i have to be able to move on and not act "pathetically" as he has said. Why is this so hard for me- he has treated me like crap, i did what i could to try to save the marriage and he does not want to save it. i have no choice but to not contact him. why isn't it hard on him? he's the one who walked out without trying, he was treated well and is walking away from someone who listened and supported him. he is the one who should be having trouble with no contact. it is crazy that it is vice versa. i guess it just really shows that he is done, and ready to start a new life with ow.
Does anyone else believe their spouse was a truly different person while having the affair? I feel like my h and the ow got some sort of sick "high" off of what they were doing. I don't mean their feelings for eachother, b/c I know that made them feel good, but like the idea of what they were doing to me and the other woman's husband. It is like my husband glorified it- the songs that he would pick to send her off of i-tunes were song like "creeping" or being "heartless" or one was called "wake-up call" and it was all about getting caught having an affair. I just don't get it. Is this truly who they are or do they become someone else?
Lost I don't know about being different but my W seems to not care about what she does and where. She sent me a text the other day blaming all of this on me (rewriting history) she told me that if I had loved her then when she met the OM she would have blew him off. I don't know where she is getting the kool aid she is drinking. I have been dark for three days now and I am feeling much better about myself. I also took a short leave of absence from my job. My employer is being very supportive. I am thinking about getting a tattoo and going to the tanning booth and start working out. As you may already know I had to buy new clothes because I had lost over 30 pounds. So I am trying to GAL and if my W misses me and notices me maybe then she will rethink her position. Anyway reading on here from the vets, they say do not believe 100% of what they say and only 50% of what you see. Good Luck
I need to do those things too one less. I am still way to focused on him and wondering what he is doing. It is just so lonely. I have decided, that this has shown me that I need more friends in my life. I have always been ok with a couple of close friends b/c I preferred to be with my husband the most. But now I want more so that when on friend is busy I have lots of others to tap into. That would be one way for me to GAL I guess.
Would you want to contact somebody who treated you so badly?
I don't think your H & OW is getting "high" by hurting you, but they get that high feeling of being in an A and knowing it is very wrong. All the PEA's working.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi I know, I wish I were more angry at him. Why am I not angry at him?? I wish I hated him, it makes me sick that I don't. I guess I need to take a close look at my feelings. Is this love or is it codependency? Because it does not make any sense for me to love him at this point.
