Haven't Yet Found My Way

[Lotus]

Here's Babygirl's most recent thread. http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1978473

I think you will want to try to find her older threads. Try clicking on her name to see if it gives you some older posts.

[Lotus]

And here is Sugar and Spice's thread. http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1831593&page=1

Her husband had a baby with OW, too.

[newmama]

Mystik, your present life might be bleak but it seems to be part of this f-ed up process. We real from the bomb, we live in shock and depression, we start to function and just exist (I think you might be here) we start to figure out the life we never wanted and then start to grow. Don't set your expectations too high right now- just function, try not to cry, get your treatment. Those are plenty of tasks. At least by getting treatment, you will be making progress and moving forward! Ihope it is still going to happen, RIGHT?

[Piano]

Newmama has it. You can do this Mystik, we're all here to support you.

[kara]

Mystik

Your thoughts towards OW and the child are your thoughts. It is certainly understandable that you are angry and devastated. You asked whether it was bad that you have certain thoughts? I prefer to think of it as understandable and human. However, it is not productive or healthy for YOU to become consumed by this so you will have to find a HEALTHY way to work it out of your system.

It all comes down to you, Mystik. This is where you pick yourself up by your bootstraps. This is where you say definitively that your love life and sex life are NOT OVER at 32. I am a few years older than you and I feel that the possibilities are endless in my life. I really do.

Mystik, you have your son and you have life. These are two great gifts. Many people on this Board have been seriously ill or still have medical issues. Life will send you all sorts of hard knocks. Everyone is walking some sort of hard road. If there is one thing I understand it is that everyone has challenges in life whether it be in the area of health, finances, family, whatever. I hear some incredibly challenging stories from people who smile so much and are so upbeat that I never would have imagined the challenges they faced or are facing.

I don't say this to belittle what you are facing or to compare your pain to anyone else's. The road you are on is hard. But you are still blessed, no matter what. This is where you look at what you HAVE rather than what you do not have. Who is Mystik? What is she made of? Does she get knocked down and stay down?Or does she get back up (with hard work and time) and become a woman who can smile at life? It is time to get back YOUR POWER. And if you think you never had any, it is time to find some.

I don't know about the OW getting the best of your H. I tend to think that spouses who walk out of their marriages and engage in affairs are not the best choices for any OW/OM unless they have done serious work to avoid repeating that drama again. BUT even if they are "soulmates" and bring out the best in each other, it really doesn't matter now. You cannot force anyone to love you or be faithful to you. But YOU can decide how to life your life with grace and joy. And you can decide to get to a healthy and even happy place. And you DO IT.

[Mystik]

Written while at work today:

Had a dream about H last night. In my dream when I first discovered his affair I told him that I was sorry for not being the wife he wanted, if he would just tell me what he was looking for I would do my best to be it. So he stopped his affair, and we stayed together and were happier than ever.

How I wish I could go back in time and do things differently. There are so many things I did that I would change to prevent this mess from happening. Even after he left there are things I wish I had done differently.


I wonder if part of why I’m so unemotional is I feel this whole situation is of no importance, that H is going to come back to me anyway and It won’t be a bother in our life together, so why stress about it. I feel so detached from my emotions, like they don’t exist anymore.

[Mystik]

H called a little while ago. I gave the phone to DS and pretty much ran out of the room. A few minutes later DS came to the kitchen where I was. I asked if he was still going with Daddy tomorrow and he said yes, to see the new baby. I said, "Oh, so it's here" and he said no, not here but at the hospital and might still be there tomorrow, too.

Had a few minutes cry but nothing now, just some residual hurt. And still feeling so detached from my emotions.

[Mystik]

Posted on my other board that Whore had It, and I hoped that DS wouldn't talk about it. Got reamed out that if DS wants to talk about his brother he should be able to and I need to pull my head out of my a$$. Great, that's why I stopped posting about my situation with H on that board, because they just don't get it. They see black and white but this situation is grey.

[Mystik]

Note to self: Search archives for Hope11, she also had a similar situation

[Mystik]

Tomorrow is my appointment with the psych hospital. Somewhat nervous about it. I go from being ok to sad back to being ok in rapid speed. We'll see how I am doing when I get up in the morning.