Ups and downs, familiar territory as we all know. I am not going to start anything right now. Just trying to get my head on straight before I do anything. After all these years, there is no rush. Not like I have someone waiting in the wings. It's just really hard to come to terms with fighting a losing battle.
He called last night and we talked a long time. He still wants to try, setting timetables, counseling, all of that. Where was that years ago so that we would not be at this point now, I asked? He just did not realize how serious the issues were. Okay, I think that I would have sat up and taken notice if my spouse was crying, telling you that they are almost ready to have an affair just to get some touching, that they are being pushed into the arms of others by his lack of attention. He did not notice? He did not want to notice because it would have taken effort on his part to make any changes. He is really scared that the D will happen. He has made the decision for me and can't even acknowledge that.
I don't want this to become hurtful and hateful like many D's are. So I am going to take my time to make good decisions, hopefully. I have lots to think about.
He really is a sweet guy, but absolutely clueless what it takes to have a marriage. He wants a roommate, and I cannot be that person. I want a Husband, that is why I got married, to share my life with someone that wanted to share his life with me. He has walls that I doubt that even with extensive therapy he will ever be willing to let down and me in. Why should I have to wait for a very slim "maybe" that things will change? He had walls before we married, but through time they have gotten higher and he cannot explain why.
As far as the posts go, my defense mechanism is to be a brassy smart a$$, so I really have gone to the extreme with that. I know that I have probably offended some people. Sorry about that, if I have.
This is not the time for you to be impatient. I know how hard it is for you to have patience, but you have to now more than ever. Your W is very confused and the last thing that you need to do is pressure her. Take your time. It might not heal all wounds, but it can help you get a clearer perspective as to what you need to do next. I don't see that you have a dead horse here, just a very confused filly. Hanging up your spurs is NOT what you want to do. You really love her and the kids, you want a family and you need to wait for her to see you in a clearer light.
