I think the feeling of failure that I also carried for a long time, goes along with our h's revisionist views. Until we are able to reject those views completely, and to see them for the bs they are, then we tend to internalise them, and accept the view of ourselves as failures.
The truth is that we are not failures, we are the ones keeping the show on the road, keeping the faith. We are extremely successful as people. We can love, and go on loving. You will not know until later how much the ability to love unconditionally means to your children and good friends. It is an amazing thing to be able to do. It is reassuring in an uncertain world that you do not withdraw your love when the going gets tough.
Your children will test you again and again, because you are the strong one. I used to be so tired of peole telling me that, but now I am grateful that I am strong. yes, it is hard work.
The feeling of incompleteness does go away. A bit of me was sad to see it go, but now I feel different and whole again That is what healing means. it doesn't stop me loving my h, but I see the situation differently. The perspective has changed. we get to the other side, and can face the world again.
