Jack - thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you haven't given up on us (me).
Beatrice - I do appreciate the words of encouragement, and I think I understand. Although another 2 years of pain aren't a welcome thought. I know the pain is not going to just go away. I have wished it away daily and it's still there.
I do have days of joy. I don't have days that I don't think of him - but most days only briefly. I do find enjoyment in life, but I can't shake the nagging feeling that I am incomplete - and I think the holidays approaching are making that feeling stronger. Some days I wish I could wake up and feel the way my H treats me - as if we never meant anything to each other...as if WE never existed. It's hard. I have always cherished my memories - but now they come with pain. It is very hard not to doubt them and believe my H's revisionist view. I guess if I could do that it might help with the pain......which is why he's rewritten his memories......
"Do not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." - James Thurber
