Sol - yes, obviously you need to decide what you want exactly.
But the reality is it's not only up to you. And if your H wanted to work on things the divorce would be dropped (or put on hold) and he would not be blasting you over text messages. He would clean up his act and make a plan to see if you will even CONSIDER having him back on *any* level.
Your H is not detached from you therefore any exchange you have with him feeds his attachment. Your H, my H... they have not detached. All they have done is filed for divorce and put new people in their bed. That is easy... *anybody* can do that.
So really, it doesn't matter what you want (I mean, of course it matters) but your H has to want the same and his actions say he doesn't want it. What he does want (if I had to guess so shame on me for mind reading) is to know you will always be there and around when he is bored or drunk enough to contact you. He wants to know you are always an available option to him even if just for some "back and forth". You are probably one of the few stable things in his life.
It's a hard place to be when the H that left keeps picking and picking at you yet everything stays the same UNLESS he *feels* something different in the moment. But all of *this* isn't about moments.
And there is a very good chance your H will never sort all of this out. So that leaves you with the decision making power - keep up *this* with your H (not something I recommend based on my own ongoing experience) or really just remove him totally.
He knows you are an option and it seems to me he likes being able to shoot you down when you let him know what your desires are. Then you feel destroyed and he knows it's still very much about him. Of course when this is all happening it not easy to think this way (um, HELLO!)
I really do feel for you because I can relate to all of this on just about every level you can imagine. It makes things very, very confusing and can take you off a path in no time flat.
