Wanted to supply an update on my situation. I met the wife yesterday for our talk. We had been in our corners for a couple days, me trying to giver her her space. We sat down, and I pulled out every kind word, every sincere feeling about her, and paid tham on the table. I told her that I hate us being so hateful to each other, that we can be best friends again if we start respecting each other, that i intend to be more kind to her and to our girls (not being so sarcastic or mean spirited), and that I can empathize for what she must have long felt about me. In fact, I'm probably feeling only a fraction of what she's dealt with for years from my behavior.
By the end of the talk, we hugged, and we went out to dinner together as a family. I kept the pressure off her, and just let her have a good time in a safe environment with me. We parted ways at the end of the night, and it felt good that we didn't fight.
She did talk about the Fireman a bit. She told me that he has nothing upstairs, and prefers that he just shut up and look good. I think she's still seeing the guy, but I have no proof. Part of me doens't care, as long as she's getting him out of her system. She just said that she got to live out every woman's fantasy....and that is all it was. It was half fantasy, and half revenge f@#k for what I did years ago. (Is it really every woman's fantasy to have a hunky fireman?) What does this do to me? I have two responses: one is that I know I'm a very attractive man, and could have 2 or 3 particular women in bed by this weekend. But that's not what I WANT to do. I want my wife, eventually. Part of me does want to get laid though. The second reaction is that I'm afraid I will always be compared to this guy in looks, tan, abs, face....everything. The first few times of having sex with the wife might be weird because of this. What would YOUR response be??
I'll check in tomorrow. Everyone keep Johanna in your prayers. It's her turn to get some serious TLC.
