FMV, so sorry things are so rough your way too...This is a tough road, whichever way we are going down it:(
I'm still struggling with dropping OM. First weekend I've gone without much contact, although I did leave a pathetic VM early Sunday morning. So Ashamed... Reading the book " Why Men Love Bitches" helped me ALOT and actually made the most direct plea to my H yet... Crying out for him to get engaged again in our M. A part if me is almost thinking I HAVE to tell him about EA, to get him really in the game. But I'm afraid that would make him desperate, not really productively involved in R, from seeing LBD's reactions.
Googled and found a "Love Addiction" therapist this morning, and am going into the city this afternoon to see him. That is exactly how RA feels... Luke a live addiction, and from my reading, fits me to a T. It's awful... And, I think because I've been with my H for almost 25 years, with practically NO sex... My brain chemicals went overboard when they got tripped. The EA feels the way it was with my high school boyfriend, because my brain hasn't had these "Love Drugs" in years.
Trying to focus on the things B!tches do... Taking care of myself, GAL, making doctors appointments, asking directly for what I want.
So much of it is about regaining your self-respect and dignity, not taking the crumbs. I told my H last night he needed to start putting up more boundaries with the kids... Ask ME, not them what we are doing about vacation, etc. -- ending up NOT going to adult event last night my husband hemmed and hawed about, but I should have gone ahead last week, bought the tix, dressed up and said "I'm going. You coming with me?"
I think there is a part of us as women (especially in SSM) that seeks attention of OM (not necessarily A!) in order to try and get our H to notice us again.
I feel so confused, emotionally drained, can't eat or sleep... Glad I'm seeing IC today for 1st time... Quite a schlep into the city at rush hour to get his only cancellation, but worth it if he knows how to handle love addiction issues... I know so much of this comes from growing up without my Dad.
How did I get wrapped up in EA??? I am NOT the type, not the type at all... Mother of the Year taking off her shiny crown:(
