Zen, I am sorry you had to figure it out this way and realize this tonight. You are still a superhero, you just ran into a little kryptonite tonight. You did not fail your baby. He is her dad and will take care of her. Nothing has changed. You knew there was OW. You can not control the situation, that is really the hardest part, right? Focus on what you can control. Get your emotions together before he returns with her. Wait and let your emotions die-down before confronting etc. Put away your cell phone, especially while you are on sleeping pills. Take it apart if you have to!
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Thanks. I did not call him last night. I was blessed with a full nights dreamless sleep.
I am not calling him today either. I am going to call my IC this morning. Go see that lawyer I have been talking to.
I think this does it for me. I don't think I love him any more. Let the divorce come. This man is a stranger. My husband may never have even been real. I always believed he was a good man. Now I'm not sure he ever was. Just a fantasy I lived for 14 years.
This finally has to be the bottom. Nowhere to go now but up, up, up. Think my mountain keeps growing though.
I am so sorry! I know this is tough...it's kinda like do what you want to me...I can handle it but do it to my kids! Hopefully, this is NOT what happened
I am glad that you are doing nothing for now and this
Quote:
When she gets home, I will be sure to make it her safe place.
is perfect!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I know how you feel about the person seeming like a stranger. I also know the feeling of thinking your H was never real in the first place. I would swear both of these to be true in my sitch too.
But... then I remember that he is in the 'fog' and not thinking clearly.
Continue to DB but maybe give yourself a break for a couple days.
Have you and your H talked about D/parent counseling for the sake of your D3?
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
So far no parent counseling has been agreed on. In my county there is a parenting class that is required before you can get your divorce. When I got the talk I told him I wanted to go ahead and take the class.
Right now I am not letting myself make any decisions. I am just trying to concentrate on work and getting everything together for my lawyer appointment.
I also have a call out to talk to my IC.
At a minimum I believe I need to ask if anyone else was on the trip and let him know that I noticed that all 3 camping pads and chairs were gone.
Pulling out all that baby stuff meant moving boxes all over in the two spare bedrooms. The pads were kept in plain sight. I am honestly surprised I didn't notice they were all gone right away.
The chairs are kept in the garage. I only went out to see how many were gone after I realized the pads were gone.
When he comes to the house to put all the camping stuff away he is going to notice that both rooms have been rearanged.
I'm in no position to comment on asking him about who was there... will leave that to the experts but will continue to think about you today. When do you expect him home?
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
He gets back in town sometime today. D3 stays with him tonight at grandpa & grandma's. So I still have tonight to myself. I'm counting that as a good thing right now. It will let me have a little more time.
H hasn't said, but I would expect him to drop all the camping stuff off when he drops D3 at daycare tomorrow morning. I think it is unlikely that he will make a special trip.
Sorry zen...but I thought the whole "camping with a 3 y/o was odd" anyhow. It means out of the "public" eye I guess, but what 3 y/o has that much fun camping? We did it as a family with an RV b/c I could not imagine the discomfort being all that fun in the middle of the night and not having a bathroom, etc.
Since you don't know for sure, anything, get info before confronting. IN fact, off the top of my head, what diff does it make anyhow? He said he's filing. Maybe you can get him to agree to NOT expose d3 to any OW for now and MAYBE that would help. But it's not definitely a legal power. It Depends on the state--ask your L that.
True, Eventually he'll get to intro d3 to whomever isn't a felon, but for now, you might MIGHT have some input. Again, see the L and ask. Good luck. THis could be a pivotal moment for you and if you learn from it, good. Don't let it simply cause you pain. Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
