You know, there is part of me that wants to tell the wife to go with Mr. Hunky Fireman, and then watch from the sidelines while the relationship self-destructs, as it surely would. That would be playing games with my daughters' lives, and I just can't do it. Tempting though, verrry tempting!
Wifey and I went to the couples counselor this afternoon. I was in an *I don't give a f#@k* mood, and walked right into the office without even saying hello. We just got right down to business, and I went over our past up until my initial affair 5 years ago, and the subsequent birth of our daughter #2. We spent a lot of time on that, why I did what I did, why her distrust is so deep, whether or not the woman was a potential homewrecker, etc. We contrasted my feelings of rejection and severe judgment from her for that deed with her feelings of fear, insecurity, and distrust. I told the counselor that there was more to the story, then launched into the story of Mr. Fireman. I came out with both barrels blazing. Let's say I was pissed. She has been trying to say that it was a one-off fling, no big deal, at least compared with my multitude of sins, but I reminded her, in front of the counselor, that she brought a man she barely knew into my home, put his naked butt on my couch, and had sex with him with my 3-y.o. daughter upstairs sleeping. He could have been a homicidal maniac and hurt both my daighter and my wife. I graphically showed them why her *mistake* was wrong on many levels; I wouldn't let her get off easily. The counselor sensed my anger.
We ended the session going over her *need for space*, and he told me to give her space in a loving fashion, not a mean-spirited, *okay b**ch, take all the time you want* fashion. Nevertheless, I continued my angry stance after the meeting, and barely said goodbye to her as we left.
I'm really very comfortable right now doing a 180 of sorts. I am taking the advice here to heart. I'm taking my younger girl to Disneyland tomorrow, along with a family we know well, but without the wife. I dropped my daughter off tonight at the house, kissed her, and told her that I had fun with her tonight at Daddy's house (the pimp pad) giving her a candlelight dinner, and that I'd see her tomorrow for Disneyland. I looked at my wife, standing at the doorway, and she had tears in her eyes. I just walked away. She needs her space, remember?
