Advice for today, please!!

[DoneAfter10]

Hi, all. Hope Monday finds you well. My husband and I are separated and he has filed for D. We have limited contact and I try not to initiate any contact, but I'm also trying the advice of my DB coach and being a considerate and thoughtful friend to him. My question is this--he has ameeting today with some potential clients in a business he is starting up. Do I text him and tell him good luck and to let me know how it goes or do I wait to do that after he initiates contact for today? Any suggestions would be helpful! Thanks in advance!

[dbmod]

If your coach said not to initiate, don't. But if your coach didn't advise...why not try it and see how it goes. His reaction is just information.

Good luck! Let us know what happens.

[DoneAfter10]

We did not discuss limiting contact--mainly just talked of being the person that he was attracted to in the first place. So, I guess I will just let him know I hope it goes well. It is a nice gesture and I don't feel it would hurt anything????

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Texting him "Good Luck" is the sign of a friend.

Texting him, "Let me know later how it turned out."
While still in the realm of 'friend' is going to leave you with the expectaion he will, and you will be dissappointed if he doesn't.

Later, its possible that you'll post here saying something like:
"All I asked him to do was call me later, why didn't he?"

Even if you can text him that without building up your expectation that he will, there is a good chance of him seeing it as just an attempt for you to 'talk' with him.

"Good Luck."

Leave it at that, and if he calls later, work on what your coach suggested.

[DoneAfter10]

I appreciate the advice. Another predicament just arose: My husband is from another state, so every year we alternate holidays with our families. This year we were supposed to go out of state to his family for Thanksgiving. I told him he could not take our daugther (only 7 months) that far. He said he didn't want to miss her first holidays. I told him that I didn't either. I thought he was just going to stay here and spend it with us. He just sent me a text telling me that his grandmother wants me and the baby to come there for Thanksgiving. Stated he was just passing it along. How do I respond to that? Should it mean anything that he is asking me (in his way) to go? Haven't responded to his text yet. Don't know what to say....

[Jack_Three_Beans]

My husband and I are separated and he has filed for D. We have limited contact and I try not to initiate any contact, but I'm also trying the advice of my DB coach and being a considerate and thoughtful friend to him.

You have limited contact.
He is asking for you and your (plural) daughter to be there for Thanksgiving?

So, what happens if you say no?

[DoneAfter10]

I'm not sure what will happen. I would like to go just b/c I love his family and I want us to be together at Thanksgiving. This may be the only one our daughter has with us as a family (even though she won't remember it.) I just am not sure what this means, if anything? It's a 9 hour trip to where his family is from---not a short trip for ppl who are on the verge of divorce....

[Jack_Three_Beans]

...

So because you might be divorced you don't want to put the effort into going? You would if you were married, and you still are, by the way.

I can tell you as a former WAH, exactly what that would mean to me. So saying, I can tell you I am not your husband.

Effort is called effort for a reason.

[DoneAfter10]

I'm not saying I'm not going. I want to go. I've told him I would walk through the fires of hell and back for our marriage and I meant every word of it. I am just confused as to what he is telling me. As a former WAH--what does this mean to you?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

As a former WAH, if my x wife had said she'd walk through hellfire for us/me, I'd expect her to. If I asked her to come to Thanksgiving dinner and she didn't bring my daughter, it be proof that she was capable of pretty words and little else.

I am not your husband Done, but I do not know too many people who enjoy hearing one thing but not seeing it implemented.

If you meant it, prove it.

As to WHY he did?

No one here can tell you that.

But he did.