I am starting my day with a better attitude. We are seeing a counselor this afternoon, and I'll have better perspective after that.
I saw the wife last night, when I dropped my daughter off at the house. While she stood at the door, I just told her that she's breaking my heart with her behavior toward me. Typically, she looked at me with that look of dismissal. Like, *what are you talking about....breaking your heart?*. Like I have no heart to break, or worth breaking.
She then launched into the reasons she is being distant and thinking about us. Since I left my old company, some women are telling my wife that I used to rub their shoulders sometimes, or hug them, or be flirtatious. She takes this as further evidence that I'm a cad, and can't be trusted. Is that ridiculous, or what?
I'm going to come at her in a serious way at this counselor's today. She is not going to get off with saying the Fireman was just a little thing, while trying to make a case against me with instances I can't even defend myself against. It's like what Schwarzenegger went through out here with his groping charges.
I'm finding it easier to give her her space today. Cathy's right, my actions were all out of fear. (It would have been nice to have the flowers acknowledged, but they weren't. It's like I never sent them.) I'm planning to be alone on Xmas, and to only give gifts to my daughters. The Xmas cards will be from me only.
I'm tired of her games, and her control. She wants space so that she doesn't have to worry about how I'm feeling today, or making me feel good, or appreciated. She wants that to come from a new place in herself. She says that she's been too consumed with how I feel, and needs to find out, with space, how she feels about herself, and about us.
My problem with it is, it's another open-ended thing she sets up. The sex problem with us was her always open-ended about her isue of distrust. there was never an end date to it, it could go on forever. Now, she wants space. How long will that go on....3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years? And how long am I supposed to wait? She assures me that Mr. Fireman is no longer an issue. Maybe so. I get the distinct feeling that she does not want this marriage....period. She just can't bring herself to SAY IT!
I have heard everyone's advice, and I plan to start folowing it to the best of my ability. Obviously, my way isn't working.
