Hey LR, Congrates on all the hard work in your M. Well just giving an update & venting, rambling, & probably boring u as i gave Sandi the same update & probably board her as well.
Wish I could be in the same spot as u or Sandi u guys have helped me out just by listing & offering advice on my situation. I have no Internet or cable yet so using iPhone sorry about spelling.
Well the move went ok another place to stay, but it's no home. I hope to have a town house in a year or even my house (that would be sweet probably not though)! I also should be done school provided nothing else happens.
Well we actually met for coffee two weeks ago just to go over separation agreement and we meet with the mediator this coming Wednesday to talk about the house. I told her that it was sad that it's come to this point & she said the same. I'm almost positive she is seeing( OM or someone else).
Then she goes in to the whole guilt trip on how she feels so bad and sad & she has to live with what she did everyday (ya WTF).
Anyway she told me she stopped taking her antidepressants & she has gained weight & how upset she is with her job (so I think she is very depressed unless it's a great acting job)
It's to bad the way she sees herself. well as her self- esteem, feel that she was not a good catch, or that I just put up with her when no one us would (she feels like the ugly duckling) which she is not at all!!
She said at times she has to leave the house so she doesn't cry in front of our S. She tells S she has to run out to grab something at the store.
Well this whole thing just sucks b/c in my heart I still love her & feel bad for her at the same time. trying to be forgiving, & being friends is just tough. I can't change how she feels or make her happy.
I honestly hope she is happy someday, but until she deals with her issues & deals with the loss of the M. I think she will run in to the same problems. Too be truthful I think we could have gotten thur this sh*t if it was just us. Ya it would have been work, but truly worth it in the end.
As for me I have been working on my issues with the help of our MC/ FT/ who is also my IC she has been great she knows everything & tried to help us.
I'm just lost like a dog on the street maybe I feel that I'm stupid for wanting to work hard & fight for her & my marriage. The ? I ask myself is why I still care & yes even love hers much!!
I told her I'm sticking to my vows and until were done there will be no one else for me. I guess that's how I was raised trust, honesty, & respect for myself & her.( maybe it's crazy at this point)
Its nice to flirt & get attention when I go out from the ladies, but my vows mean a lot. W even said I was a better person than her I told her no we both made mistakes. it's been tough a few nights but I said I'm still married.
Who knows what else could happen this year. At least my S likes the new place except not having cable till this week. . Thanks as always I appreciate your time, advice, & letting me ramble& vent. Take care talk to ya later Hope.
