Cleaned up the back bedrooms as I was pulling out baby stuff to sort. Got over whelmed. Called my friend to come over and help me. Watched my movie, drank some wine. Wandered off to bed, ready to go to sleep.
You know how you just don't notice things sometimes, then they hit you?
I just had that happen.
All 3 of our camp sleeping pads are gone. Not all 3 bags. Just the pads. Sorted that whole room and didn't pick up on it till I was brushing my teeth. The big tent is gone. I checked, and all 3 camp chairs are gone. Both camp coffee mugs are gone.
Other explinations? Yes. Possibly.
Did I already believe there is an affair? Yes.
Am I hurt again? Yes, but not by the affair.
Did I ever in a million years believe he would take our baby on a camping trip with OW? No. I did not.
Can I wrap my head arroung this? No. Not yet.
My baby is there. If my H is on a camping trip with someone else, I do not know if I can do this. I can't even cry right now.
That is my baby.
Please tell me that he isn't doing this.
This isn't about me having hope. This isn't about me, or my H, or even whoever may be out there with him.
This is my baby.
I don't think I want him to come home anymore. I don't know this man.
I am broken. I failed my baby.
I am not a superhero tonight.
I think I'm tired of guessing. I'm tired of believing in him.
By now my baby is sleeping.
Tomorrow I will start to decide what to do. Tonight I have been drinking and I have taken a sleeping pill to boot. I will try to get some sleep. I'm in no shape to drive. I can't feel anything. I can't think.
