I've read Divorce Remedy twice. I'm trying to do 180s - keeping the kitchen clean, I've started fixing up the flower beds (that drove him nuts but now half of them look pretty, which makes me happy ), no complaining, no raising my voice when I'm angry/frustrated at the kids (or him), and regaining my silly side. I've also been working on GAL, and I've been really busy on weekends. He knows about some of the activities I've done and has asked questions beforehand but not afterwards. For the first few weeks after I read the book I also acted "as if" he was happy to see me, which was why I was trying to be cheerful and engaging.
I texted him Fri afternoon to see if he was available for a quick chat, and I got a more verbose response than I was expecting - "Not at work right now. Went to visit some friends. We'll talk later." Saturday I texted to say D4 wanted to talk to him, but I did not want to wake him up if he was transitioning to night shift and could he please call her. I let her answer the phone. I heard her say goodbye to him, and then it took her 20-30 seconds to find me to hang up the phone. He was still on the line! I asked if he needed anything, and when he said no I said goodbye. He called "wait" and then explained his sleep schedule for the next week. He had a really cheerful tone. I repeated what we had discussed via email earlier in the week, that he could call if he was able to spend time with the kids one night. Again he paused, and I hung up. He did not bring up the asset email, and that's three times we've talked since he sent it.
I was a lot less available for conversation last week and I got an email asking me to divide up the assets.... (although looking back I realize that the last time he asked me to divide up the assets was three weeks ago, right after he paid bills, and I had asked him last Sunday to let me know when he had paid the bills.) Last Sunday he sounded really happy to see me when he dropped off the kids, and then when I gave just a lukewarm hello the tension levels rose and he seemed to be in a bad mood. Last week was the least we had talked/seen each other since he moved out.
One of the mistakes I made (which I've acknowledged to him), was that I didn't ask questions of him when I should have because I either assumed I knew the answer or was afraid of what the answer might be. There are questions I'd love to ask him now - "What is your timeline for filing for divorce? For moving the rest of your stuff out of the house? How do you see us interacting as a divorced couple? What the heck did you mean by 'no matter what happens'?" but I'm not sure if I should.
I also packed up the framed wedding pictures, the wedding album, and our cake topper (which he deliberately left here when he took the china cabinet) for him. I want to give him those with a letter about why I don't want them anymore - basically that although I made mistakes that contributed to his unhappiness, it was ultimately his choice to stop loving me and to end our marriage; as a result of that the promise I made to him on our wedding day will be broken; the day, and my memories of it, will lose their special place in my life. I honestly don't want them, and after his reaction when he noticed they were no longer hanging, well...
Any advice would be good. I'm really unsure about being less available for conversation, as after being subdued/less available our interactions seem to get worse. When he gave the "no matter what happens" little speech we'd seen each other 5 days in a row for a total of about 11-12 hours and had had some really good conversations.
), no complaining, no raising my voice when I'm angry/frustrated at the kids (or him), and regaining my silly side. I've also been working on GAL, and I've been really busy on weekends. He knows about some of the activities I've done and has asked questions beforehand but not afterwards. For the first few weeks after I read the book I also acted "as if" he was happy to see me, which was why I was trying to be cheerful and engaging.
