Boy, I'm sorry, Mike. I'd tell you to go back and read all of those other posts about what to do, but like you said, they've all been deleted. Too bad.
Looks like everyone who was trying to warn you was right.
Only you can decide what you want out of this. The longer the A goes on, the harder it will be to break off, but that doesn't mean it can't happen.
You can't stop her, I think you know that. If you want to keep trying, you can hope/pray that she stops it herself. It happens sometimes...sometimes the OM will turn into a jerk or become unattractive and you are the better option then...but that is impossible to predict.
This is tough. A non-DB friend once told me that I need to be able to look inthe mirror and know I gave it 100% so there were no regrets later in life...I took that to heart...it kept me trying for a while longer...
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
In the end, I don't believe she is going to give our relationship anymore time and will be filing for divorce herself. I've worked so hard to delay her pursuit of divorce actions, but at this point, I don't think there is any way I'm going to be able to stop her from moving forward.
Just doesn't seem like I have any control over it anymore. She hasn't been able to end her affair for more than 7-months that we've been separated, and I don't think she plans on divorcing me, to turn around and THEN end her affair.
I know that I've given 100% of everything I had to make it this far and that I left no stone unturned...So I guess I will be able to take that with me.
Her family is very apposed to all of this, and are very much hurt by it as well. They've supported me through all of this but are at a loss...as am I. Nothing they or I have done has made any difference. They don't support her relationship with the OM in any way...but my wife just keeps on truckin.
BLAH
M: 29, W: 28 Together 8 years, Married 1 (5/16/09) Bomb (LYBNILWY)4/22/10 Affair discovered 5/3/10, began Jan/Feb 2010 Separated 5/22/10 - Present Affair exposed 7/7/10 No children
I don't know. She went to him with our problems for months and he just sided with her and consoled her about everything. Made her feel special, made himself out to be perfect...and she believed every word of it.
Our relationship problems were rather mundane and would have been VERY easily fixed if she had come to me and made it clear that we needed to work some things out, or our relationship would be in trouble.
I've DB'd my butt off for the last several months and addressed every issue she had with me...to the best of my ability anyhow, since we are separated. She said she saw how much I was trying and how much I've improved things about myself...but I guess it wasn't enough.
M: 29, W: 28 Together 8 years, Married 1 (5/16/09) Bomb (LYBNILWY)4/22/10 Affair discovered 5/3/10, began Jan/Feb 2010 Separated 5/22/10 - Present Affair exposed 7/7/10 No children
She said she saw how much I was trying and how much I've improved things about myself...but I guess it wasn't enough.
I hope you weren't doing it just for her. Regardless of how your M turns out, you are still a better YOU because of the work that you have done.
Do you have DR? Check out page 230 and understand that she is addicted. Even MWD gives the permission to put your foot down when all else fails. Check it out and see what you think. Only you can decide when the time to "give up" is there.
Is your W stubborn? Not in a mean sense, but one who doesn't like to appear weak or let it be known she made a mistake? Could that be part of the reason she is still hanging onto OM?
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Maybe I was trying to make changes for her, maybe just for myself, but probably both. Either way, I'm glad that I've been able to improve myself no matter the reasoning.
I don't have DR but have read countless other sources talking about this as an addiction...So yeah, I fully understand that and it's implications.
GW...I don't know. She's said over and over throughout our whole situation that her affair was a mistake and that she's so sorry for it...but then goes right on doing it more! She's convinced the OM is her soul-mate, and greatest love of her life though...so in that right...she won't admit their relationship to be a mistake.
M: 29, W: 28 Together 8 years, Married 1 (5/16/09) Bomb (LYBNILWY)4/22/10 Affair discovered 5/3/10, began Jan/Feb 2010 Separated 5/22/10 - Present Affair exposed 7/7/10 No children
GW...I don't know. She's said over and over throughout our whole situation that her affair was a mistake and that she's so sorry for it...but then goes right on doing it more! She's convinced the OM is her soul-mate, and greatest love of her life though...so in that right...she won't admit their relationship to be a mistake.
Someone can be a soul mate and still a mistake.
No one said soul mates should lie to their family, their husband, and tear a household apart.
Note : I am not agreeing on this soulmate business, just showing how erroneous the premise is...
If her family keeps on her and refuses to ever accept OM then I think she will eventually give him up.
Affairs take time to die out... You just have to keep chipping away at them each day...
