It really was tough, especially since it was family only. Totally out of character for my younger SIL, BTW. I am fairly sure she did that because of me & H too.
I really do feel like H is (cup)cake-eating. It makes for a really tough tightrope walk for me. I not only want to do what is best for my D, but I also do not want to lose what has been my closest family for the past 14 years.
During the short 1 hour party my H not only wanted to share his cup cake and gave me 2 hugs, but he also asked me to sit next to him, share a beer, and kept following me every time I moved away. Just so 25yearsmlc knows – no I did not take any of that as a sign that my H wants to come back.
Basically, after the first hug request surprised me, I decided to go with not offering and not refusing. Each time he did something like that I would be do what I felt was minimally polite then move away and focus on the kids, or FIL, or older SIL. I do know I should have pulled back much more, but H really did surprise me. I was prepared for the cold shoulder because that is what has happened with family around before. The best chums thing threw me for a loop.
I was not the only one who seemed to notice his chummy and somewhat clingy behavior. He got a few confused looks during the party from his family.
Basically I came away feeling like my H still wants his wife to be his wife. It’s his job as husband that he doesn’t want. I think my refusal to focus on him brought out some of his insecurities, but that isn’t my problem.
Basically I feel like that is what my H is doing. Just trying to suck me back in to be his security blanket. I keep thinking of that fish guy from Star Wars yelling: “It’s a TRAP!” now when he gets all sweet.
