(((((((OPT))))))) You have alot on your plate right now. Things will work out. They always do somehow. Hang in there, and know we are all here for you! Rachael
Thanks Kevin, totite and everybody else for checking on me.
Today marks a week since he left and we still have not heard from him. I frankly hate the not knowing anything more than I would dislike an outcome, good or bad. I have never been very good at waiting, specially when a major issue is unresolved. But I do not have an option here, since I will keep my word...
Quote: Let me play devil's advocate - Suppose your H comes back after his soul-searching and wants to focus on your R and tells you everything. Do you have any concerns that if he finds out you have been digging it will blow any chance of a future? Or are you past that at this point?
If he finds out that I've been digging, he may resent it, but I do not think he will be really mad at it... unless I hire a PI. And if he does want to work on the R and does not tell me everything, I will get to the point in which I am past caring. I am not quite there yet, but rapidly getting there as the no contact persists.
Quote: If he comes back and doesn't disclose any of what you know, will you ask him about the house purchase to see if that opens other doors? Will you ask him what the OW is holding over his head that has him so scared? Is there a way to ask him about the house without his knowing that you were digging? (An errant phone call from the city assessor's office perhaps?)
Yes to both questions. If he comes back and still wants to work on the R, we need full disclosure. And I mean it from both sides; if I ask him to be honest with me, I owe him honesty myself...
Quote: So in the meantime, can you let it go a bit? Just ride it out and focus on your D. Unfortunately all the together time you guys have spent as a family has probably made her miss your H even more.
Well, it does not look like I have an option, but to let it go a bit. I do not know where he is or with whom and have no way to contact him. If I fall dead tomorrow, they'll have to notify friends or my family, not him...
Yes, my daughter is feeling it a lot. She had been very insecure about H being out of her sight since he left in March... and after his return she became a bit more confident. Now that improvement is gone... She refuses to go out of the house except for her skating lessons and wanted to come early from the New Year's Party even when the house was full of friends of hers... She is having lots of headaches...
I am very upbeat with her and reassure her that I love her and will always be with her... but she misses Daddy. And I draw the line at lying to her about where he is. He did talk to her, he said before he left, but I am not sure of how much she trusts what he says... I try to keep her environment stable and never look worried or sad in front of her, but she is on edge.
Yesterday, she fired me as a mother (I did not let her do something she wanted to do), so teasingly I put on a sad face. Any other time she would have felt powerful, laughed and taunted me with "you are not my mother anymore". This time, though, she did not. She puckered up and started crying like her little heart was going to break. I hugged her hard and kissed her telling her "Hey you fired me, not me you" until she found a little smile.
Yesterday and today I took her to her daycare and she played with the other girls, so she will not feel lonely. I am trying to distract her a lot and at the same time keep her environment very stable and give her a clear routine...
She is one smart big girl...
Thanks for all your support and prayers... and for the chats...
Happy New Year to everybody. I am sorry I have not been posting much.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
It's amazing how perceptive our little ones are isn't it?
But you are a strong, smart woman and she is learning from the example that you are setting. I have let my kids see me cry on occasion (although I haven't cried since Thanksgiving!), but I explain that I am sad about the situation with daddy, just like they get sad when their friends don't behave or play like they want them to.
I think they have understood things pretty well and when they do not or act out, I talk to them and then let H know about it and ask him to say something also so we present a united front. In a weird way, that has helped our relationship too. Who'da thunk it?
It sounds like you are holding things together as well as you can. Keep up your strength and this week may fly by. We will all be here to help you through it and to hold your hand next weekend when your H returns.
Just an FYI - have you rented Daddy Day Care? All 3 of my kids loved it - and it really focuses on the kids. It does, of course, focus on the dad's trying to provide care (they haven't got a clue when they start ) - but maybe your D would get some daddy time vicariously through the movie. I don't think it would cause her to be upset to watch it in other words. My H wasn't around to watch it the first few times either - and I'm not sure if he has watched it with them; come to think of it.
I'll try to check in this weekend. My D and I are on our own tonight. My MIL took both boys overnight...
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
I haven't been posting much, but have lurked and kept up on everyone's situation.
I am sorry to hear about what APPEARS to be a not-so-happy event in your sitch.
Maybe H wanted you to find out about the house. Maybe for some unknown reason he has some sense of obligation to OW, even though he wants to be married to you? some tie which doesn't mean he is in love with her or wants to be with her?
Is is possible to give him the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise?
I know you must be on pins and needles regarding not hearing from him, but didn't you expect it to be this way? did he indicate when he left that he would be in touch? I guess I can see it with you, but no with your D. He has to be totally in left field as he has not been in touch with her.
I don't know, Opt. I do see, however, that you seem outrageously calm about all of this...which means that perhaps your inner gut is telling you that all will be ok. go with it, and try not to stress.
the whole anticipation of waiting for him to come home has got to be the hardest part of all of this opt, but your doing so well with your patience, you amaze me
i know you feel you have no other option but to wait this out - so do it with you head held high
keep giving love to that god send you have - she is YOUR LIFE
) - but maybe your D would get some daddy time vicariously through the movie. I don't think it would cause her to be upset to watch it in other words. My H wasn't around to watch it the first few times either - and I'm not sure if he has watched it with them; come to think of it.