Thanks 25. I can do this. I had a great day with my D today. We did art at home, let her pick out some new bright colored containers for her bathroom (planning on fixing up her bathroom with rainbow colors soon), watched a movie snuggled up together, and went swiming at the hotel her friend's granparents were staying at.
I realized that I am well on my way to achieving one of my most difficult goals that I set for myself; making my home a safe and happy place for my family. While D is off camping with daddy, I will work on making home a bit more comfortable. I am excited about making this place mine now.
I still want H to come home, but I am making plans to move on. My H has done a lot that would normally send me into a tizzy of hopefulness. He told me today his last day at the store he works at with probable OW is in a week. I am finally starting to take "good news" with a grain of salt though.
I still want H to come home, but I am making plans to move on. My H has done a lot that would normally send me into a tizzy of hopefulness. He told me today his last day at the store he works at with probable OW is in a week. I am finally starting to take "good news" with a grain of salt though.
I'm lost. What's the good news? He's switching jobs? Oh. And that's B/C OF OW? oh, it's not related at all is it? So you are thinking and hoping that IF he leaves the job and THIS OW, then all might turn around and be better? Really? B/C I could swear just a few days ago, he told you he plans to file for Div.
Hey I'm not trying to be a beeyotch. But you need a little 2 x4 here. You start to make REAL progress, and it's as if it scares you b/c then you go right back to a "tizzy of hopefulness"...for what? I'd act as if you didn't notice any significance at all to his announcement, given that he's FILING for Divorce...I mean, what diff does it make if the A ends, and he still files?
Focus on the other shore...not the one you are swimming away from. You CAN do this. Back to you...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Zen, just reading over how it went when he spoke about filing....seems to me he is putting the divorce in there, but also making sure you are THERE still....safety....what do you think?
Its just something I'm now extra sensitive too - them wanting their safety net and wanting to keep you there as a friend still...so if this new life they've chosen for themselves doesnt work out, they have plan B.
This always infuriates me a bit....and I noticed as soon as theres a sign that H is losing me, he changes his behaviour.
Dunno, just thinking out loud.
Having said that , my sending him an email asking if he wants to try again, is definatly not good behaviour...but I cracked...
Pie, I do think my H wants to keep me around as a plan B. He seems to have some sort of fantasy that we will always be best friends. He even tells me he wants me to always be in his life and that I am part of his family. Whether I like it or not, he is right. Because we have I child together I am stuck with him. Ugh.
He is a good daddy though. So there is that.
25, you are right that I still have a long way to go. The reason his decision to outright quit surprised me is that H has always planned to keep the store job as a back up plan. This store lets even minimal part time employees have the option to pay into a basic health care plan and offers a discount on some of his favorite hobbies. All he would have to do is work one day every 3 – 4 weeks. Even though the affair was/is only a symptom, I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t be happy to know it was over. I think H is less likely to bring a “new” A around my D than this friend turned OW. In my book that would be a big plus.
My point though was that this time, even though I think the end of the A would be a good thing, I don’t really care. It doesn’t mean anything. Your right, my H is going through with the D anyway. The only concrete effect it has on me is that I will be without health insurance for about a month. That is another point against him in the responsibility category.
Anyway, enough about him. I am continuing to find upsides to my new “single” life. I actually enjoy being alone. Always have. My D & I are able to just have fun when we are together. I get most of the housework done while she is gone now.
I have decided that I have enough time to myself that I will start working on my degree again in January.
I am signing up to volunteer at the agency my H & I had been going to our foster parent training. I won’t be adopting anytime soon, but I can still help a cause I feel passionately about.
Even my H going out and getting his own bank account, though a sign that he is determined to leave permanently, was a relief. Soon, I won’t have to try to budget with his spending habits. Though he has never been as bad as some I have read about, that will be nice to only have to deal with my own spending.
This afternoon I am going to my SIL & niece’s b-day party. I am going to play with my daughter and her cousins. I am going to have fun. I am going to have a piece of cake, and I am going to eat it too.
Back from the party. I did good. Not really much fun, but I held it together and managed to eat some cake. H still wanted to share a cupcake like we normally would. H hugged me twice. I took it in stride, and I didn’t knock his teeth in. I never made a move towards a hug either.
SIL announced she is pregnant with her 3rd. I’m happy for them. I am sad for my own broken family too, but happy for her. If life had gone according to plan my H & I would have finished our foster/adopt training now. Guess it is better that he had his break from reality before that, but still causes me a great deal of pain.
On the way home I remember a conversation I had with my SIL when my D and her oldest were still very small. Her oldest is only a few months younger than my girl. She was telling me how when my H & I had announced we were having a baby she had such a hard time. She had just miscarried. Two months later she was announcing her pregnancy too. She said she felt like such a bad person that she couldn’t get past her own pain to be happy for her big brother. I remember telling her that didn’t make her a bad person, just one who was hurting.
It is so odd how things turn out. You never know what will happen next. Like now. What will happen next?
It is not easy to be a superhero, but I am going to have to pull it off.
Starting a new thread today. Nowhere to go but up, up, up. So that is where I will go.
