Haven't Yet Found My Way

[Mystik]

Today's exchange was not so good. I was already upset and nervous about seeing H to begin with. DS called asking to meet at Dunkin Donuts, so I waited a bit then went over, didn't want to get there first so I could avoid parking near them. When I got there H called and said it was just him and DS inside DD's, did I want to join them and hang out. I declined, said I was fine in the car. So H brought DS to the car and started to say something about It. I said, "I don't want to hear it" but H continued so DS covered my ears with his hands. H and Whore have an appointment tomorrow to decide when to induce because It is getting too big so H might need to take DS on a day other than Wednesday. I didn't say anything, just talked to DS. So I cried a bit of course.

Then DS asked if he could see Daddy tomorrow so he could see the new baby. I said that it won't be born tomorrow, they'll find out tomorrow when it will be. He said that yes It will be born tomorrow because [It] is getting to big to be safe in [Whore's] stomach. So I got all upset and crying and told DS that while I know he's excited he needs to talk to his counselor or his daddy about It because it makes me too sad to hear about It. He asked why I was sad and I said because I love Daddy and want him to be with us. So DS started apologizing for talking about It and that he won't see Daddy tomorrow and that made me feel even worse.

So now I'm feeling like crap, and remembering about when DS was born and now H will be sharing that experience with Whore and not me.