Beth- I am not going to be much help, except to tell you that my husband has said the exact same things to me. The closer he got to the decision to move out the more he said them. I also remind myself though that he is involved in an affair, and your husband is also. This is affecting their thinking. Yes, I truly believe they mean what they are saying right now. But the key words there would be "right now" because they are involved in the affair. I read somewhere that to remember that right now when they are responding to you it is going to be filled with anger b/c of how guilty and scared they feel. They are scared they are making the wrong choice, scared that they can't change, scared that they might be wrong, and definitely guilty. So I guess that offers some hope. But the negative side of this is that I truly think that we are not capable of busting the affair for our spouse. It has to be a choice that they make on their own. Pleading, crying, yelling, guilting them certainly will not do it. (Believe me b/c I tried!!!). I also, at this point, don't believe that competing with the OW does it either. I am also struggling with nc at the moment. But here is a conclusion I have drawn that I think helps me. I can tell by the way my wh and the ow act part of the excitement to them was how wrong what they were doing was, on some level it seems as if they were "getting off" on what they were doing to their spouses. I don't know why, but through their correspondences that I have found I feel like this is definitely the case. So I have decided to remove me, as an option, from the table. At least this takes out one element of the affair that makes it such a drug for them. This is the one thing I feel like I do have control of. Everything else I don't. So whatever you can do to motivate yourself to keep yourself focusing on you and off of him, do it. Tell yourself, over and over, that this is really the only chance you have of saving your marriage or saving yourself whichever it ends up being.
