Give him what he asks. Respect his desire. He knows himself best.
This is so painful. He knows he is loved beyond compare.. and you know his love and the strength of your family's.
My dad chose to stop all the medicines that kept him alive, to stop eating. And he died two days later instead of the weeks anticipated. The goodbyes were barely whispered before he passed away. Yet..
Yet... I am so thankful HE made the choice. Because it's not something my mom or us, his children, could have done without feeling like we were killing him.
I spent 5 hours with my dad last night with him fully aware of the environment. He wanted me to lay down beside him to lean on my shoulder and kept worrying about me being cold and telling me to cover up with a blanket. I looked at him and told him again he is the best dad I could wish for and his answer was "nahh I was the worst!!". He was smiling. I got my kids in the room and he kissed and they hugged him and he told me again that he wants me to make sure my kids will live well. I told him he has nothing to worry about...
He told me to be strong and to not to be afraid of life. He was my dad again.
He urged me to go home and rest and told me "he would be ok tonight". Being with him when he is calm and present was the best thing for me.I cant explain it. I felt at peace.
I am sorry this is all I am talking about but this is my life right now. H has been there for me. He has held me numerous times when I cry and also told me he loves my dad as well and he is sad. Our relationship is on hold right now. But we are connecting. What we, as family go through, brings us together although at first I felt I was distancing myself...
M~ Only people who have witnessed what you have in these precious hours can understanding the blessing. I know some people think it odd when I say it was a blessing to be part of that but it is....
Praying for your father, and your whole family.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Maria, I just wanted you to know that I am here, reading and crying along. I am so glad you have this time now. Your family will know the peace this brings, even when you are sad later. Huge hugs and prayers.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
So glad you got to have that time with him clear in his mind again, back to being 'your dad'. And that you could ease his mind that you will make sure your children live well...
And I am happy to read that your H is comforting you during this time. I think you are right, sometimes a crisis can pull a family closer. Not always, but sometimes, and it sounds like it is for you.
Hey Maria, I keep wanting to phone to give you my support, but then I think you are spending what time you can with your Dad and I dont want to disturb you. Thank you for posting and letting us know how you are doing. It sounds very very sad but also lovely in a way that you are getting these hours and conversations with your dad. How wonderful you got to tell him he is the best Dad ever and that you can show him your kids are ok.
I am sure H loves your Dad too and is very sad so its wonderful that he is there with you to hold and comfort you, I was especially glad to hear that.
Thinking of you and the kids and the rest of your family, Love Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Kalni, this the real nitty gritty of life, what so many people devote their lives to avoiding. Thank you for sharing with us...it is a gift. I'm glad that you had some connected time with your father. Thinking of you and your family...
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Darling, beautiful friend. My prayers are with you and your family right now. It is so hard to watch them slowly slip away but the time you have with him now will be precious to you. It is truly a blessing.
My mom had a day a few days before she died that she was very clear, sat up in the bed and told me that she was happy with her life, happy with her decision to stop the fight, and was more than happy to go on to her reward. It was exactly what I needed to hear because I was starting to have doubts that she was still comfortable with her decision.
Hold him, comfort him, allow him to comfort you and accept the help your H offers. It's the best gift he can give you right now.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
