Thank you all for yor support. I hope you'll excuse me if I do not check anyone else's threads today; keeping myself in one piece is taking all my energy...
A few clarifications: the house in question is the one my H and OW rented 2 years ago. I did not know it at the time, of course, but they had rented it with an option to purchase, and a year later he paid $4,000 to continue the purchase option but did not buy it. When OW and I talked, in May, she was flabbergasted my H would have spent the money for a house he did not want to share with her (he had told her we were in the process of divorcing). In one of our convos, she commented he should purchase the house anyway...
The house is registered in his name only. The deed transfer date was 10/7/03. As far as I know, OW and her daughters continue to live there, as they have been doing for two years...
He told me OW would be out of his office in 12/24 and not coming back. Her daughters will work for him until mid Jan when a new person is supposed to come to work for him. But I have heard that story before...
I talked to his sis and she does not know where he is. He told her the same story he told me, but she does not believe a word he says anymore. In her opinion I've been too lenient on him... and she is furious about him leaving our D w/o contact.
As for my D, thanks Totite for asking, she is holding up as well as she can. She refused to leave the house at all in the weekend, and yesterday told her aunt (my SIL) that "Daddy's car is here, but Daddy staid at the airport." Last night, she woke up and could not go back to sleep. I asked her why and she admitted she was "worried about Daddy" but could not explain why...
As to the finances... I am financially independent and could do quite well without him, but I do not want my D cheated of what is hers. My lawyers are very expert in this kind of thing, and when the time comes will be quite able to ferret any money he has absconded with... They are a very well known firm with a lot of experience in Family Law. And I have the books for his office for the last two years...
As to my security, well, with a divorce filed and several life policies on his name... he sure would be the prime suspect should something happen to me...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I forgot to add. In my conversation with SIL, she mentioned she does not believe any longer any thing he says. Apparently he had told his whole family, not only to OW, that we were in the process of getting a divorce FOR THE PAST TWO OR THREE YEARS. He just happened to forget to tell me...
She is concerned at how much and how well he lies. She even thinks he might be a pathological liar.
And the saddest part is that I'd had given him a divorce if that is what he wanted... at any time. I would have made no fuss whatsoever... and probably not even gone to a lawyer... I trusted him so much...
Even in May, when I filed for divorce, it was him who kept begging me not to go on with it, and to please give him a bit longer to fix it... We could have been divorced in July... well before I found DR... And any time after that, I always told him I would do it if he wanted it...
If anyone can see the future, please do tell... I could use some insider information.
That goes also for psychologist types that do want to give answers and not questions...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
First of all, it's obvious that you don't live in a community property state or he would have had to have you sign off on any loans or deeds.
I think your H is in big trouble and he's being very secretive about it. I think he's been doing something very suspicious having to do with money and OW knows all about it and he's afraid she can get him into serious trouble.
Why not get some real info, though? Have your law firm recommend a good PI--so at least you won't be haunted with questions. Too many peices of this puzzle are missing, but it's obvious that a lot is being hidden from you for some reason.
Opt, I agree with Tal. I think you need to get to the bottom of what's really going on here. It's YOUR RIGHT. If he won't freely tell you about the $$ sitchuation, then I think you should by all means hire a GOOD PI.
He doesn't have to know about it. If there's not much more going on than what you already know, well at least you'll know. If there's more, then you NEED to know.
If he's keeping secrets, he's got himself in a big ole web spun by HIMSELF, and he's gotta be sweatin' it.
I hate to say it Opt, but the whole thing REEKS of deciebt. I hope I'm wrong, but after being lied to for over 5 yrs you learn to sniff it out.
Take care of YOU and your D. It's obvoius he's not going to. Leaving you like this is one thing, but to do it to your D is just plain wrong.
Who knows, once maybe when everything is out in the open (if there is anything)he'll be relieved enough to stop the madness. It's a shot in the dark, but stranger things have happened on here.
Opt, you'll be fine. You have an inner strength to be admired. Your D is so lucky to have you as her Mum.
Just do what your gut tells you to do. We aren't going anyplace-we're right beside you! Rachael
OPT, Just don't make any rash decisions until you think it over. I think I would think about digging a little deeper to see what is going on. You don't want o wake up to everything going out the door.
You never know what your future holds, and as we found out here, just when you think all hope is gone, the sun comes out!
Actually, Tal, Texas IS a community property state. So unless he had the house somehow classified as separate property (and I am not sure how he can do that), half the house is mine...
As to the PI, I did hire one in May, but after thousands of dollars spent, he could not find anything that I had not already ferreted out by myself. So I am rather reluctant to do it now... until we are talking settlement agreement, at least. And I did promise not to go to the lawyer.
Anyway, Opt is not such a bad amateur PI: I've been doing a bit of thinking and investigating by myself. And here are the conclusions:
1. I remember OW had mentioned to me that the option to buy in the house would be up in August.
2. The deed transfer date was 10/7 (the first Tu of Oct), which means that the actual purchase of the house would have been about a month to 6 weeks earlier. We sold our old house in late Jan and did not close until 3/20... That puts the purchase around late Aug and early Sept (he was out of town from Aug 8 to 17, and I am sure of where he was).
3. He moved back home 8/17
4. In Sept 24, my first week in Piecing, I posted this:
Quote: Please, help me not to do something rash! [Re: shinybear] #575671 - 09/24/03 08:50 AM
Hi, guys
There have been developments and I am writing here instead of screaming my suspicions in the phone. Need some input ASAP!
Everything went great last night (and this morning ). But a few minutes ago I went to pick up our mail to the P.O. Box. My H has had his mail forwarded there from OW's house (and ours also) and amongs all the usual junk there was a letter from a Land & Title company, addressed to my H at OW's house. It had no explanation and only a cheque for $20 from the title company payable to him. The memo said interest credit EL03-159356 Jacob (not OW's name)/H's name. I jumped to conclusions immediately and went to the net. I searched title records for both nearer counties and could not find any files under his name or the other that looked suspicious.
Should I confront him? I am not going to believe anything he says anyway (unless it is what I fear). What do I do?
Well, well, guess what? The house's previous owner's name WAS Jacob! So that it one mistery solved... And the letter had been forwarded twice, so it was probably sent at least 1 week earlier...
I asked H about the check on Sept 30 and he said it was a left over from the attempt to re-finance his office building...
This rather dates the purchase, don't you think?
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
Happy New Year! Although I am not sure if you want to acknowledge the new year right now...
Wow - do you dig and find out more or just wait until he gets back? Tough position to be in.
Let me play devil's advocate - Suppose your H comes back after his soul-searching and wants to focus on your R and tells you everything. Do you have any concerns that if he finds out you have been digging it will blow any chance of a future? Or are you past that at this point?
If he comes back and doesn't disclose any of what you know, will you ask him about the house purchase to see if that opens other doors? Will you ask him what the OW is holding over his head that has him so scared? Is there a way to ask him about the house without his knowing that you were digging? (An errant phone call from the city assessor's office perhaps?)
I too would be like a mother lion protecting my young. I am confident that you can take care of yourself and your D. I am also confident that you will be able to get what is rightfully yours and hers should it come to that.
So in the meantime, can you let it go a bit? Just ride it out and focus on your D. Unfortunately all the together time you guys have spent as a family has probably made her miss your H even more.
I find that ironic in my sitch too. My H spends more time here than anywhere, but can't take that step to come back for some reason. My kids have gotten closer to him as a result of spending more time alone with him, but now they want him here all the time.
Well, I figure you can't win for trying - and can only control yourself - so I just continue the ride...
Hang in there. I'm praying for you. In fact, I woke up during the night thinking about the fact that if you dig and he finds out, it might wreck any chance of a future. So tread carefully please...
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
). But a few minutes ago I went to pick up our mail to the P.O. Box. My H has had his mail forwarded there from OW's house (and ours also) and amongs all the usual junk there was a letter from a Land & Title company, addressed to my H at OW's house. It had no explanation and only a cheque for $20 from the title company payable to him. The memo said interest credit EL03-159356 Jacob (not OW's name)/H's name.