Been a few days since I posted. I've been taking notes and observing. She's kind of DBing me. Avoiding contact. Avoiding being at the same location too long. I've been trying real hard to back away. But I suspect she can see the grief in my eyes. Funny, the kids don't seem to suspect a thing (I think). It's Weird. Gotta talk to my coach. Any thoughts?
Change your time horizon. You've not been doing this long enough to know what is or is not working. I would not monitor at all until 100 days of DBing has been pretty consistently done. Make that your goal. 100 days. It's do-able. Then you assess and decide to change the behavior or recommit to another 100 days.
My time frame would be months to years. (It WAS a good 2 years til we seriously began piecing and another year until I felt we recommitted fully -08). So stop staring at a pot of water and hoping it will boil sooner by you looking at it. The more energy you spend wondering what SHE is thinking/feeling the LESS you spend on GAL and looking attractive and being upbeat.
I'll tell you what My biggest regret was in my h's MLC, (I only call that period an MLC b/c it was mostly out of character behavior AND we're together again. But the label does NOT matter much).
My biggest regret was the time I wasted wondering about H, and NOT about MY life. I wondered "WHY H was doing what he was doing or what he was doing, or with whom or where he was and what his plans were", etc. (Truthfully I don't think HE knows all the answers) I SHOULD have been spending that time on ME, MY KIDS, MY future and getting it started. Ironically, It was only when I truly believed life without h might actually be pretty darn good in the long run and not that bad in the short run, that I became the happy busy woman I used to be. And yeah, h noticed...and here we are. Please take this opportunity (that is what this is, as well as other things) to create the life you want for you and yours. NOT WITH W, but with you and your kids. Don't do this as a tactic, but as a means to living well.
If your w had died a few years ago, would you shrivel up and die? No.So imagine a happy life soon and flesh out that image. What's it look like? What can you create of it, now? What are your 180s? How's the GAL activities? Be a man only a fool would leave. If you become a man only a fool would leave, then the results are up to God. (And If she still leaves, then she's a fool, and who needs that?)
Stay the course. Learn patience. Do the Serenity prayer at least a few times a day. Seriously. It helps.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
