H in crisis and self medicating with OW

[nicole8]

I have read the resources. I've been on this board for quite sometime...working on myself and trying to let my h go to figure himself out. Something feels different this time since he left again three days ago. I know I can't and won't ever understand what is going on in his head. Just wanted to say something does feel different though.

Eric asked me alot of hard questions. I do really love my h and "yes". At this point though I'm not sure how much longer I will enjoy my life being on hold. I want my best friend back and someone to enjoy daily life with. I know he is not capable of this though and I'm not sure he will be anytime soon. If the future is anything like the past then he will be back again. The question is though will he be willing to commit to rebuilding the m and how do I know for sure? I don't want to be his Mom monitoring his phone records to see if he is talking with the ow or make him pinky swear that he is serious. So what does a person do?

To answer Eric, I really could care less which one of us makes more money. It's our money the way I see it anyway. BUT one of his major complaints for the last year is that he cannot support us on his income alone and it bothers him. I know texting the OW was wrong and controlling. But darn it, it sort of felt good. Not going to do it anymore though. I can't... got to focus on myself.