Haven't Yet Found My Way

[CityGirl]

Looking ahead can be stressful. So, for now, don't do it. I found that when I felt "ok" and I looked ahead and started worrying about when I would not feel "ok" then I stopped being okay in the moment. It's work to stay in the present but if you are "good" in the present then focus on that.

It's okay to be scared and unsure. You are embarking on something that is totally new. It's natural to have intrepidations!

Why not make a game of cleaning house with your son? Do races to pick up toys or something fun (as fun as cleaning can be, lol!).

[Mystik]

Doing ok again today. Got my place mostly cleaned up last night and wrapped it up this morning. All that's left to do is the laundry. It's going to devour my couch, I have so much to fold and put away.

Going to my sister's this evening for cake. It's my brother's birthday.

[dbmod]

Mystik,

I'm humbled by your willingness to share and be so honest....AND to get the help you need. You are setting such an awesome example for your son. Who knows what he is going to go through in life and what you are going through now you are going to be able to use to help him or one of his friends.

There will definitely be a bright light at the end of this tunnel, and it doesn't need to be far away.

We're proud of you.

[newmama]

Mystik, laundry is a nightmare once you get behind. I hate it!
Good job attacking the mountain. I was going to say toys and clothes seem to be the norm for messy houses. Your S is old enough to pick up after himself and here are 2 tricks I do for my first graders on certain days:

1) give them 5 minutes to pick up. If we get it done in 5 minutes I either give them all a small piece of candy like gobstopper, or we play a game, or they all get a pride paw. (a type of "caught ya being good" ticket...when they get 15 they go to the treasure chest)

2)the best one of all- "Magic Scrap!" I look around and mentally choose the special things(the scraps can be paper, or crayons, or other doo-dads. I say "There are 3 magic scraps...go!" and the kids that pick up the magic scraps earn a prize (a special sticker, a trip to the treasure chest, or candy or a special pencil)

The trick is that I don't tell them when all of the scraps have been found until the whole room gets clean.

We don't do this every time because I have heard some kids whisper"leave it on the ground- she'll play magic scrap if it's messy!" but they don't know when we will play.

I think this game can be modified for our one kid!

[Mystik]

I did get the laundry all folded. The apartment is looking pretty good for now, once DS gets home tomorrow that could all change quite quickly.

I suck at being the parent here. DS gets away with murder. I just don't have it in me right now to fight with him, though I know I need to do that. I've tried reward charts with him but he just doesn't care about the reward. And I know it's my doing that he is such a spoiled childby giving in to him so often but in the mornings I don't have the time and at no point do I have the energy to have an all out fight with him to get him to do things my way.

[Mystik]

H called a bit ago. I almost didn't answer, was scared he was calling to tell me to pick up DS, Whore was about to spawn It. Instead he was calling about a letter he received from the insurance company saying DS was only approved for once a month sessions for the next 12 months with his counselor. H said he doesn't see the need for DS to continue going, the only thing DS gives him trouble with is eating. I said DS gives me a devil of a time, constantly refusing to do things I ask of him and he's showing signs of insecurity so I would continue bringing him. Didn't mention that when It is here I'm sure DS will be even more insecure.

I miss H. I want so desperately for him to come back.

[Mystik]

It is such a struggle for me to keep distant when talking to H. I want to just slip into the familiar role of being his wife and talk to him like we always did. And it hurts so badly that I can't do that anymore. That he is forcing me into the uncomfortable role I now have to fill.

[dbmod]

Mystik...I'm sorry it is so painful. What can you do for yourself this evening to distract you and give you some happiness?

[Mystik]

Went over to my sister's for our brother's birthday. My other two brothers and mom were there as well. Had a good time, stayed there for almost 4 hours.

I am very tired and ready for bed. Tried to sleep without using the sedative last night and it didn't go so well. So I made sure to take it tonight and hope for a much better night's sleep.

[courageous wife]

Hey Mystik!!!

Give yourself some time!
So glad that you had a good time tonight!

BTW...if YOU think DS needs therapy...then you go for it girl!
One thing I have found out with the SA agreement my L is working on is that since H has given me full custody, she also wants to ask that I also make all the decisions...something to think about!