Hey Sandi how are you? Hope all is well with u & your health too.  I have no Internet or cable I'm typing from iPhone, so sorry if spelling is off!! I know this is long & hope i don't keep boring you. I know your super busy as it seems that your the only one on the board to help the newbies maybe it's just the weekend.  

First I want say thanks Sandi u  offer so much to so many people during everyone's crazy time.  I can't thank you enough for helping me or just listening to me vent or ramble.

Moved to my new place been their about a week it's nice but it's not my home oh well. Man this forgiving & trying to be nice & friendly is harder than I thought!!

Well we actually met for coffee two weeks ago just to go over separation agreement and we meet with the mediator this coming Wednesday to talk about the house.  I told her  that it was  sad that it's come to this point & she said the same.

I broke the ice & asked about her day,  then she vented a little & we talked a bit about what's going on in our lives & the separation agreement.  It's sad cause I'm almost positive she is seeing OM (somethings just not Right but not sure what). I told her that I could have handled are our situation better if she didn't cheat on me & to be honest I think we could or could have made it if it was just the 2 of us.

Next she goes in to the whole guilt trip on how she feels so bad and sad & she has to live with what she did everyday (ya WTF). Anyway she told me she stopped taking her antidepressants & she has gained weight & how upset she is with her job (so I think she is very depressed unless it's a great acting job)

She said at times she has to leave the house so she doesn't cry in front of our S.  She tells S  she has to run out to grab something at the store.

I know my wife and how she see's herself & self-esteem is low, she doesn't think she's pretty, she's not a great catch, & i just put up with her when no one us would (she feels like the ugly duckling). Which is not true at all.

 Maybe I'm stupid, but I  honestly do feel bad for her & wish her the best.  However I feel b/c she is involved with OM or (someone else) without dealing with any of her issues or taking the time to morn the loss of our M.  She will only run into the same problems in the future.

 As for myself I have been working at my own issues with IC/ MC/FT she knows the whole family & has tried her best to help W & me out she has been great with our S too.

I told W that she could see our FT, W says she knows but has too work somethings out.  Well  I can't change how she feels or make her happy either.  I can only work on my happiness & be their for my S.

This is probably dumb on my part but as I told her that until the D is final I'm staying true to my vows. I guess that's just my honesty & integrity  or just how I was raised.  She said I was a better person than her(of course I said no) & said we both have made mistakes. I guess I cant understand why I still care so much for her.

Well I guess by now I should be over this stuff its just hard this whole process sucks ups & downs  like a roller coaster .Now looking back where we were last year at this time Ii can see we were slipping & all the signs I missed cause I had complete & total trust. Also now seeing her once or twice a week, or the few text, or calls which  it's usually just about our S.  Sometimes we joke around.  Well it's gonna be tough during  the holidays.

Well thanks for listening to me as always  just like many others I really appreciate your thoughts and encouragement during my crazy time. Well take care talk to ya later. I have to write a term paper that's due in 2 weeks. Thanks Hope