LL, When I say I don't want to be hurt, I already have and will continue to be as long as I am in a R with my H. I have to decide if I want to stay in a R where I do not get what I need and haven't for two yrs. I love him, but he may never "wake up" I feel my life is passing me by being all consumed by this for so long. I guess I meant I need to get to a place of detachment-like you have. You are at peace, How do you get there LL??? Rachael
Optimist - Thank you for stopping by my thread. I really appreciate your encouragement and your sense of humor .
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
I had intended to post my update saying that thanks to the girls I had managed to contol my ups and downs in the tightrope, despite the no contact since Friday. He has not called or contacted us at all. But something happened just a few minutes ago...
I went to pick up the mail as usual and there was a letter to my H forwarded from OW's address. It was a flyer from a furniture shop, congratulating him in the buying of his new home.
I went to the Appraisal District's home site and the house does belong to my H. The deed transfer date was 10/7/03.
So, it seems he has made his decision... What was he waiting for, beats me.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
What I am going to say, is he didn't do anything and has owned this house since October.
He could STILL be truly trying to completely make up his mind.
I would wait out the two weeks, do nothing and see what happens when he comes back. I mean if he is going to move out he has to tell you and those are not the actions he has been taking recently.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Welcome to the tightrope Between memory and pain Welcome to the tightrope Between the freedom and the chain Welcome to the tightrope Stretched high above the street Welcome to the tightrope It's right beneath your feet
Once you learn to balance truth and sorrow You can worry about the rest tomorrow
Up there on the tightrope Oh it's a tightrope You're walkin' on a tightrope
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Do you have a signed separation aggreement? If not legally the Ow's house that he bought is half yours.. Community property..
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
Opt - I agree that, unbelievable as it seems, your H might still be confused - OR - he may just have been waiting until after the holidays to tell you - or - he may just have wrested the Giant Weenie Head title from Mal's H as the most chickenshit avoidant man on the planet (maybe he was too chicken to tell OW he wasn't leaving you???).
Anyway - I think you NEED to use this time that H is gone to find out everything you can about his finances, since who knows what else he has been hiding from you. Call the CPA, snoop in his office if you have access, hire a P.I. to look for hidden bank accounts, etc. You need to do this to protect yourself financially. You have a golden opportunity to do this while he's out of town.
Meanwhile, I wouldn't say a word to H if he calls. This will require tha greatest Act As If job of your life.
I'm assuming from your post that the new house is in HIS name, not his with the OW? Are there any other possible explanations for this house? Could he have been planning to move into it alone, and changed his mind as a result of your awesome DBing? My H rented an apartment long before he told me he was going to - almost like his "safety net" - then I think he had a hard time letting go of it - how could he not move out when he had already rented the apartment?
Or could the house be a rental property? Have you seen it? Is anyone living in it?
Don't ASSume anything, but DO find out. Your H's behavior has been very suspicious all along, and him hiding the CPA stuff from you has me really worried. Also - and this may sound paranoid, but hear me out - please watch out for your personal safety, okay? All these lies, all this sneaky stuff - people who do this are sometimes the kind of people who think a hit man is the answer to their dilemma?
Also - have you checked you bank accounts to make sure he didn't drain them before he left?
okay, enough paranoia - I'm not saying he's anything more than your typical lost WAS - BUT - don't be so naive that you don't protect yourself.
Is the house that your H bought the one the OW lives in or another property? Then I would echo Ellie's questions depending on the answer.
I know it is hard to not jump to conclusions, but try. I would try to get a better handle on the finances, but as you have said, you are financially fit on your own, so is it worth the pain? Will it make a difference if you know and can you do anything about it anyway?
Now don't jump on me everyone - Opt has never indicated that her H wouldn't do right for her D and if she is financially independent, maybe she doesn't need to borrow H's financial trouble...just protect herself.
In the meantime, how is D reacting to H being gone with no communication? I think kids adjust to the physical absence, but no communication can be tough.
Any plans for this evening? I rented the kids a bunch of DVDs and my H is coming over to watch a movie with me (yes - you read that right). My saga continues...
Well Opt - I am here for you and praying as always.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
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