How do you move on...when do you just give up?

[marie2235]

Well, I did it. I filed. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. So much of me wants to fight for this marriage - and I am not sure why. Maybe becuase he is all I know, having been wtih him since I was 17. Maybe I don't want to give up all the hopes and dreams and plans we had.

Maybe, in the back of my mind, I think, this will wake him up, stop cheating and lying. But, he is the one, who has been saying for almost a year, that he wants a divorce and the only reason he hasn't left is becuase he can't afford to.

I have been having a lot more sad days lately than mad days.

HOW do you stop doing this to yourself? How do you give up - really give up and move on? Is there really happiness after? Or will you always think, what if, what could have been...

I still love him - maybe not the person he is now, but the one I married. I guess I am still in part denail that this is actually happening.

So.. he is supossed to get served next week - he doesn't know. He actually checks my cell phone bill to see who I call - he did see I called a lawyer - and I am not going to lie like him, so I told him, yes I saw a laywer and I was going to file. I don't think he actually thinks I will do it.

The other thing is - is it workth staying with a man who has betrayed you over and over and says he doesn't love or care about you for health insurance? I work full time now, but my employer has horrible insurance and I need good insurance.

Sometimes I think I'm carzy for doing this - i need to be healthy for my children and my company has a huge deductable for thier insurance - like 3000.00.

I don't know if I made a mistake, or how to move on. All I know is I would like to be happy and be wtih someone who wants to be with me and love me. Who won't lie, cheat and betray me.

Did I do the right thing?

After all this time, he is still lying - saying he isn't cheating. It's crazy. He is making me think I am wrong, when I have all the proof in the world I am right.

Help!

Thanks!