Starting again...

[hope for zen]

The control issue is tough, and I really do see a link in myself with anxiety. The more out of control I feel, the more anxious I get.

I am finding that a nice glass of wine is doin' the trick for tonight.

[gutwrenching]

Evolve - sounds like you are doing great. Trust me, you have a lot to be proud of. You have seen the light and grasped the reality of things much quicker than the majority. I am envious!

[evolve35]

Thanks GW. Why doesn't it FEEL like I am doing great? I still haven't been able to concentrate on my work. The projects and deadlines coming up continue to pile. Daily I feel like going back to my L and asking him to just get this done with so I at least know one way or the other how this will all turn out. I know I need patience. I know I need to have faith that what is supposed to happen will... One foot in front of the other.

Envy? I will try to see where you are coming from... That is a tough pill to swallow!

I think I need to go back and read my post on being kinder to myself Glad I documented it!

[gutwrenching]

It doesn't FEEL like it is great because you are in limbo land and that never is a good place to be. You have to decided for yourself how long you will stay in limbo. Some try to advise you just be done with it and move on and make them feel the loss. There is merit in that, but you have to be in a place where you are willing to do it and willing to do it for the right reasons.

In the meantime, continue to DB. I wish I had a magic formula on how to concentrate on work. But I never cracked that code. Some days were better than others for me, so when you are having a good day, make it productive.

Baby steps...

[hope for zen]

The only thing that I have found to help with concentrating at work is to listen to soothing music and practice "thought stopping". It doesn't save me on the worst days, but it helps most of the time.

[evolve35]

Infidelity seems so rampant. I am losing faith in ever having a faithful marriage in the future.

I read somewhere that 1 in 5 couples have experienced infidelity. I think this seems like an underestimate now.

Limbo land SUCKS.

[hope for zen]

I read it was closer to 40%. My personal R experience has been 100% though. This is going to be the end of that for me though. Clearly I have been doing something wrong. Won't start a new relationship without figuring out what it is.

[gutwrenching]

How are you doing? How was the weekend?

Infidelity seems so rampant. I am losing faith in ever having a faithful marriage in the future.

Sad but true but don't lose faith. 6 months ago you would have had faith, right? So don't let one wayward change your positive views on life

[evolve35]

Hi GW,
The weekend was fine. Had to work and it was a bit busy so that helps.
Still absolutely no word from H on a response to my L's letter. So I guess we are on hold until after Jan.1. We have not spoken now for about 3 weeks.
My neighbor called on Friday to tell me she was in her car leaving her house around 10 AM and he was coming home and had a woman in the car with him. She described her as having very dark hair, much different than the OW I suspect. She also said that he saw her (the neighbor) and neither smiled/waved.
At first it didn't bother me, I could potentially explain away who it was but then it started to bother me more. Not like it would have before however. I find myself caring less and less about what he is doing. I was even able to have a good day yesterday.

I still find it a bit maddening that he didn't respond at all to the L letter.

Thanks for checking in.

[gutwrenching]

He doesn't know how to respond to the letter. You have shocked him with your changes. It has not snapped him out of his fantasy land but instead made him dig his heals in even harder. Nothing that can be done about this...tells you a lot though doesn't it