So I have put the negative feelings aside this weekend and have been GAL'ing.
I feel good about that. My husband seems almost pleasant around me. I think it is surprising the crap out of him that I am upbeat, going to the gym and leaving the house without him. We actually had sex this morning. It's been over a month. Last time I initiated, he said he wasn't into it, and that I shouldn't take it personally, that he was just unhappy and not in the mood. This a.m. I was hesitant, but I took the chance and it worked. I don't know if that is something I should be doing right now as my goals are just to GAL and feel good about myself. Any input would be appreciated.
I still worry that there is someone else, but have decided to stop snooping. That just makes me feel bad about myself, but it is a struggle. Part of me just wants to know. Anyway, I'll do my best to keep that up. If I find anything, it will crush my self esteem and I may not be able to keep up my happy almost-facade.
I really do feel better about myself and for the first time in 4 years feel that I will survive and be okay no matter what happens. That feels pretty good in the middle of all this sadness and regret.
