Pie's Story - he's comfortable again

[ericmsant2]

PIE

I have so much love to give, and want in return tho

Have you given some to giving YOURSELF some of that love that YOU have and want to receive. Think about it for a sec….

DO YOU NEED someone in YOUR life?

Why rush into something because of NEED?

As for giving yourself love I can think of some many things to do..

1) Pedi and mani
2) Spa treatment
3) Vacation with some friends…hey maybe South Beach
4) Pick up a really cool new hobby
5) Go back to school
6) Go shopping!

I can be friendly and civil and coparent well, but I can't be chummy friends

YOU don’t have to be “chummy”. A good solid coparent R is really all that is needed.

At the end of the day PIE, you need to feel good about yourself and YOUR life. If being around your H makes this difficult then honestly don’t be around him until you fell that you can emotionally still be happy.

I think what got me all up in a fluster was that we were getting close, he was refering to me as his wife to people, and just generally being like the old H. And 2 days later I find out about the overnight camping with the probable OW (his secretary).

Here is a reminder cause I know you heard this already….

1) MLC = Confusion i.e. “he was referring to me as his wife”
2) EXPECTATION = fluster for YOU i.e.” . And 2 days later I find out about the overnight camping with the probable OW (his secretary)”

I just felt like all of this was a waste of time. That my patience was for nothing

You said in one of your earlier post that you have done the work on yourself….was that a waste of time?

As for your patience – what I see is that you still have not detached and let you H go. Once you do that, you will find that you are no longer stressing over the patience cause you will be too busy living YOUR life.

You know what I can't handle? Not knowing if there is OW or not.

DO you know why you can’t handle this?

Cause IMO, your SELF WORTH is tied to HOW YOUR H feels about YOU.

Your confidence has taken a huge hit and OW has not helped. So deep down you feel like if there is no OW then there is a chance.

Here is the thing…

Accept that you are special regardless of what your H says. Don’t just say it to yourself – BELIEVE IT.

Accept that your H is in a crisis and nothing YOU do will change it.

Accept that IF there is OW, that she is symptom of the problem and not the problem.

I feel like I'm not like so many of the level headed people on this board who have this incredible ability to just accept whatevers happening, and go with the flow, even if it means knowing their H is with OW. Its one thing knowing you can't control their actions, but that doesnt mean you are not still hurt by their actions

Actually PIE, I am very much like you. You may not see it that way but I am. Do you think that I like the idea that my W is out fuc*ing another man? Do you think that I sit here and just allow it and therefore I am some sort of level headed person with some incredible ability to accept it?

I can tell you this – I have cried my eyes out on numerous occasions. I have been in the house and have slept in the same bed with someone who by her own “text” messages “is in love with someone else” (who by the way is married). Dealing with this for 14 months has not be easy. I have been through hell BUT….as I began to let go…as I began to understand LOVE…as I began to understand that all of this is MY CHOICE…well then things started to change for me.

I choose to love my W

Chance are that I will be divorced and honestly, I am okay with. WHY?

Cause I finally realized that I cannot help her. I finally realized that I have done all that I can do. I finally realized that today…this very second…when I stare in the mirror and look at my ass (which for the record is sexy) I like what I see!

I have given her everything I have – by my CHOICE.

A CHOICE that I made and am man enough to stand by.

PIE – one day you may realize that standing sometime is for YOU and NOT your H.

Standing can mean….finding…

Can mean…growing…

Can mean….that you take a step back and MAKE THIS ABOUT YOU!

But when he starts being all nice, and talks to me like we used to talk, I get all soft and squishy again. And THATS my downfall.

YOU feel this way PIE because you expect him to return the favor, which in a normal healthy R is what you should expect. Problem is that you are not in a normal healthy R right now. Your H is gone, fu*ked up in the head, a selfish little teenager who want what he wants.

When you finally stop letting his actions dictate how you talk to him, what you do for him, how you feel….

Well then everything changes.

PIE, maybe you think I am crazy. F*ck maybe we all are.

Here is what I know….

I am 100 times the man I was before I embarked on this journey.

I am and will be 100 time the partner to someone when that time comes

I am ME

And nothing my W says, who she f*cks, what you or anyone else says can change how I feel about ME..which once again….

I like me!

Nice to met ya, my name is Eric and I am a MLC survivor!