It means the only way we can truly make a difference is to STOP trying to fix others and make ourselves the focus. Only then can we truly be whole. And a whole person is WAY more attractive than bits and pieces
Well said Alb!
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Alb & Eric - thank you - I hear what you are saying...but being also the over-analyzer (something else to work on? LOL) I would like to be the devil's advocate and raise the same question again.
Could it be that we stand because we still believe the we can fix it....eventually? ...could it be that we believe in MLC - because it's an explanation for the "fixer" in us why it can't be fixed now?....
Maybe all the people that are telling me that I'm crazy even considering that this is fixable even if H would want to come back are right....Sometimes I'm doubting that it would be possible myself....am I fooling myself? should I just forget about him...write him off and start over right now? Maybe that would be a true sign that I'm no longer co-dependent caretaker, fixer....
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Damn girl your posing some really insightful and provoking questions. Have you been drinking? LOL.
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Could it be that we stand because we still believe the we can fix it....eventually?
I guess that is a possibility.
OR
You could be stand for YOURSELF. You could stand because you make a decision to give your spouse the time to try and work out their issues. For me, I am not even sure that I am standing for my wife as much as I am standing for me. I need to know for ME that I gave it everything I had and then some more…and some more…and when the time comes that I have no more to give – I walk away with no regrets, at least as it relates to my stand. I will always have some degree of regret for my actions both prior and through out the R.
Do some think they can fix the spouse? I am sure that many do. It is the ones that come to really understand and accept that really nothing WE do can fix them. Nothing.
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could it be that we believe in MLC - because it's an explanation for the "fixer" in us why it can't be fixed now?.
Very interesting point Mila.
Once again, yes I guess some could feel this way. I do know that many people question MLC, which for the record I prefer the term “life crisis” since I believe that people have all sorts of crisis i.e. identity crisis, traditional mid life crisis, etc.
IMO, a person in a crisis is someone who performs actions as a result of the inability, coping skills, strength, etc. to face the issues in a constructive manner.
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Maybe all the people that are telling me that I'm crazy even considering that this is fixable even if H would want to come back are right
Really Mila it should not matter what anyone tells you (myself included). What should matter is what you want in your life and what you believe.
IMO, almost anything is fixable. Yet as a result of anger, pride, resentment, hurt, pain, lack of compassion, communication issues, etc. most M will not survive. MLC or not.
Here is the thing…the ones that DO work on the issues, those are the M’s that are the strongest. So I guess it amount to how long one is willing to wait and how much some one can tolerate.
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Sometimes I'm doubting that it would be possible myself....am I fooling myself?
Mila,
What did you have to eat today? What route did you take to work today? Who told you to post today?
More on this ^^^ in a sec.
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should I just forget about him...write him off and start over right now?
I do think we need to in some way forget about our spouses. Kinda of like “leave’em in God’s hands”.
To answer your question of should I start over…
Well it was the point I wanted to make when I asked you the questions….
The answer to all of the questions was the result of a CHOICE that you made.
You decided what you wanted to eat.
You decided which way to drive to work
You decided to post today.
So just like these decisions….you really decide what you do in your life.
Move on – you decide
Start to date again – you decide
Not lend me the car – you decide
Stand a little longer OR NOT – YOU decide.
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Maybe that would be a true sign that I'm no longer co-dependent caretaker, fixer
NO the true sign IMHO, is when you make choice for YOU alone!
I hope some of this helps and I want to thank you for this post.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
My musings yesterday were a little cynical....so I hope I didn't bring anyone down.
Eric
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Damn girl your posing some really insightful and provoking questions. Have you been drinking? LOL
No, but maybe I should have been LOL
I guess it's good to examine these thoughts and be a bit philosophical once in a while.
Eric, as always thank you so much for bringing your positive outlook to this discussion.
I will leave everyone with this quote of the day:
Travel deep inside yourself without the baggage of conditioning. Be an explorer, have patience and eventually your true nature will surface. You will return from your journey with fresh skin and you will approach each day with a wonderful sense of wonder and bliss. ~Marco R. Capristo
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Given the day that I am having today I so needed your quote for the day! Boy did i need it.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
That is a wonderful quote! Thank you for sharing it.
FWIW, my XH is a people pleaser and I think that has a lot to do with why he is imprinted so deeply on my heart. He treated me like a queen until he no longer could. I'm sure that you are imprinted deeply on your H's heart too.
Travel deep inside yourself without the baggage of conditioning. Be an explorer, have patience and eventually your true nature will surface. You will return from your journey with fresh skin and you will approach each day with a wonderful sense of wonder and bliss. ~Marco R. Capristo
Thankyou for sharing this Mila! Hope you are having a good day!
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