H's MLC - he is still lost but I found myself

[ericmsant2]

Mila

Damn girl your posing some really insightful and provoking questions. Have you been drinking? LOL.

Could it be that we stand because we still believe the we can fix it....eventually?

I guess that is a possibility.

OR

You could be stand for YOURSELF. You could stand because you make a decision to give your spouse the time to try and work out their issues. For me, I am not even sure that I am standing for my wife as much as I am standing for me. I need to know for ME that I gave it everything I had and then some more…and some more…and when the time comes that I have no more to give – I walk away with no regrets, at least as it relates to my stand. I will always have some degree of regret for my actions both prior and through out the R.

Do some think they can fix the spouse? I am sure that many do. It is the ones that come to really understand and accept that really nothing WE do can fix them. Nothing.

could it be that we believe in MLC - because it's an explanation for the "fixer" in us why it can't be fixed now?.

Very interesting point Mila.

Once again, yes I guess some could feel this way. I do know that many people question MLC, which for the record I prefer the term “life crisis” since I believe that people have all sorts of crisis i.e. identity crisis, traditional mid life crisis, etc.

IMO, a person in a crisis is someone who performs actions as a result of the inability, coping skills, strength, etc. to face the issues in a constructive manner.

Maybe all the people that are telling me that I'm crazy even considering that this is fixable even if H would want to come back are right

Really Mila it should not matter what anyone tells you (myself included). What should matter is what you want in your life and what you believe.

IMO, almost anything is fixable. Yet as a result of anger, pride, resentment, hurt, pain, lack of compassion, communication issues, etc. most M will not survive. MLC or not.

Here is the thing…the ones that DO work on the issues, those are the M’s that are the strongest. So I guess it amount to how long one is willing to wait and how much some one can tolerate.

Sometimes I'm doubting that it would be possible myself....am I fooling myself?

Mila,

What did you have to eat today?
What route did you take to work today?
Who told you to post today?

More on this ^^^ in a sec.

should I just forget about him...write him off and start over right now?

I do think we need to in some way forget about our spouses. Kinda of like “leave’em in God’s hands”.

To answer your question of should I start over…

Well it was the point I wanted to make when I asked you the questions….

The answer to all of the questions was the result of a CHOICE that you made.

You decided what you wanted to eat.

You decided which way to drive to work

You decided to post today.

So just like these decisions….you really decide what you do in your life.

Move on – you decide

Start to date again – you decide

Not lend me the car – you decide

Stand a little longer OR NOT – YOU decide.

Maybe that would be a true sign that I'm no longer co-dependent caretaker, fixer

NO the true sign IMHO, is when you make choice for YOU alone!

I hope some of this helps and I want to thank you for this post.

God Bless,
Eric