Pie's Story - he's comfortable again

[ericmsant2]

Pie

I was not as strong as you in letting him test out other people, while I sit and wait and see and work on me.

I’m really not THAT strong – trust me when I say this. Oh and as for letting my W go out and test other people – trust me, I did not let her what I did (after numerous mistakes) was try and let go of her as best as I could…cause at the end of the day…I finally realized that I cannot control anyone except myself.

I should probably be ok to not be in a relationship and be by myself, but I feel like I've been like that for 2 years already.

As I said earlier – I am not that strong. I DID NOT stay by myself. Nope – I thought I was “done” and met someone. When I realized I was not done, I ended up hurting myself and her. So I am not going to tell you that you should or should not be in a R right now. What I will say is that IF you love your H, then decide what you want to do. Learn from my experience – do you really want to hurt someone else? Also, right now, you yourself know that you are vulnerable. In this state do you really think it wise to be involved with someone else?

Ok everyone, you can all shout and scream at me now

No SHOUT and SCREAM from me 

but I'm just tired of Dbing

IF you look at DBing as just a tactic then yeah your gonna get tired. If you look at DBing for what YOU gain and learn from it, well then you may not be as tired. It really depends on how you view dbing.

and decided to do what my heart told me to

Nothing wrong with following your heart in my book! My only advice would be to make sure that it is YOUR heart speaking and not insecurities, fear, manipulation, anger, impatience, etc.

If you did what your heart said to you in love, with no expectations and no anger – then hey, everyone’s gotta do what they gotta do.

I need to let go, and thats what i need for me to let go. Is for him to tell me to. Is that pathetic?

NO it is not pathetic. A lot of times (and once again I can speak from experience) we WANT to be done. WE NEED SOMEONE ELSE to “release” us. We need our spouse to give us the okay that we can be done.

Problem with this…is that honestly we are not done. The feeling we have will resurface (and yeah you can bury them but trust me, they will come back).

So what is being done mean to you?

You know, a good friend of mine gave me some great advice – RIGHT NOW, you do not have to “define” what you do and where you are at. You simply live your life. Period. Then at some point you will come to understand when and IF you are done – cause you’ll just know.

But now I'm just rearing to go....whats wrong with me?

IF I understand this….your “rearing to go” cause honestly your lonely.

And oh…can I relate – guess what, being alone is not that bad.

So in order for me to truly detach, I need to be not friends..thats me.

I do not remember if you have children…BUT I will agree to disagree with you here. First, define “friends”. Second, maybe friends is not the R you can have with your H right now – what you can have is a civil R if that is what YOU choose.

I dont know how you all do it.

Lots of alcohol! Just kidding….

How do I do it? With support from a lot of friends and an acknowledgment that I DECIDE when it is over. I DECIDE how I want to live my life and I no longer worry about what anyone says. Does that make me a look batchit crazy? Who knows?

I don't even know HOW you start again....how do you do that?

FIRST, I think you need to decide what YOU want to do for YOU. DO you want to wait this out? Your call really. I should not have to convince you that you love your H enough to give it everything you have. Remember no one can ensure that your M will be save.
As for starting again, for arguments sake lets say that you want to try and save this.

First, put aside all thoughts of meeting someone else or “casually” dating.
Second, think about what YOU need in an R
Third, in your specific sitch what do YOU need in order to consider reconciliation.

Is it possible that sometimes we 'over DB'. And the WAS thinks that we are so happy and content that we don't want them back...and dont ask to come back because they feel rejected and fear more rejection?

I think that often we over think things.
As for the WAS thinking we are so happy – we should be so happy. What are you gonna be miserable so that he comes back? No you should be happy cause you are happy. What does a man find attractive in a women….happiness and strength are two things that come to mind.

My H says he felt rejected for a long time. He was meaning sexually, but rejection is still rejection in general

Did you reject him? Did it “sting” when he said it to you? If you did reject him, then why?

God Bless
Eric