Sound familiar???

I've meant to plug this book since I first got on this board. I finally found the following review I'd made on another board two years ago. I copied, clipped and pasted what I'd written.

A poster on TOW recommended it. Much of it HIT HOME for me. It was like reading about myself and how I've felt for many years.

The full title is Women's Infidelity: Living in Limbo: What Women Really Mean When They Say "I'm Not Happy".
http://www.womensinfidelity.com

Michelle Langley, the author, is not a doctor. She's credited as being "A professional public speaker specializing in career development"

The crictisms first. I didn't like the format of the book. A know it all, obnoxious sounding "Go To" Person answering distraught husband's answers about his straying wife. It felt too constrained within a faux framework.

A better author would have done a better job with how the information was presented. Some of the MWs I met online would have been far better and more honest look at individual stories instead of the "most" "some" "few" women the author uses. She uses herself and this Kevin's wife as her primary examples.

There were a few premises I didn't agree with - who cares if a woman is "clitoral" or "girl thingyl" to acheive orgasm?

YET, aside from the above, what she reviewed in the book hit me so hard I sat speechless.

1. PEA - pheylethylamine - the chemical in our brains which is released when we are attracted to someone. "The feeling experienced when PEA is triggered in the brain is similar to the feeling one would experience after snorting cocaine. PEA is a euphoria-inducing stimulant... Just thinking about a person can increase levels of PEA which is why we spend so much time fantasizing about the people we are attracted to...Our bodies build up a tolerance to PEA...as with drugs, PEA is addictive" BINGO!

2. "Particular behaviors lead to specific increases or 'shots' of certain chemicals in the brain. The 2 chemicals involved in the sensation we call 'love' are similar to cocaine and heroin...Living with someone or seeing someone regulary for a long time, causes the release of chemicals in our bodies...but it is comparable to getting regular shots of heroin or morphine."

3. The Four Stages - Pages 16-19. What she wrote about Stage 3 was ME: "Women at Stage 3 were involved in affairs, ending affairs or contemplating divorce. The women having affairs said that their feelings were unlike anything they'd experienced before. They felt 'ALIVE' again and many believed that they had found their soul mates. These women were experiencing feelings associated with a chemically altered state, or what we typically refer to as being in love."

4. More from Stage 3: "Several women at this stage were ending an EMA. In most cases, it was not their decision. THE MAJORITY WERE INVOLVED WITH SINGLE MEN who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress or were attracted to other women. The women whose affairs were ending experienced EXTREME GRIEF, became DEEPLY DEPRESSED and expressed tremndous ANGER toward their husbands."

5. "Unaware that they were experiencing CHEMICAL WITHDRAWL due to sudden changes in brain chemistry, many felt that they had MISSED THEIR CHANCE AT HAPPINESS due to their own indecisiveness."

6. From Page 83 this said it all: "According to the authors of Craving Ecstasy, love can be the most difficult of addictions because of love's unequaled capacity to profoundly influence each of the three pleasure planes - arousal, satiation and fantacy...FALLING IN LOVE MAY NOT BE THE HIGH OF ALL HIGHS, but falling in love WHEN YOU ARE ALREADY MARRIED may VERY WELL BE. AFFAIRS MAY BE THE 'CRACK HIGH' OF NATURAL ACTS."

7. This is what I am, have always been and didn't know it until I read this passage. There's also a wikipedia article - Google "Limerence". Here it is: "Dorothy Tenov wrote a book...Love and Limerence. She coined the word 'limerence' to describe the crazy, romantic state [experienced during an affair]. She described limerence as INTRUSIVE and OBSESSIVE thinking, fantasizing and ACUTE LONGING for a SPECIFIC PERSON...Limerent individuals experience rising and plummeting energy levels...the feelings of limerence are so intense that everything else in life seems insignificant by comparision. However, it seems that in order to experience limerence, sexual desire must be coupled with uncertainty or fear about the future of the relationship."

8. Affairs are the ultimate high due to limerence. "Fear and excitement are heightened by the secrecy, the risk, the taboo and the freedom of emotional and sexual expression, as well as by the flood of sexual chemicals and hormones that come into play once the relationship is consummated."