I know that a good relationship is about communication, consideration, sacrifice, understanding, humor, tenderness and forgiveness.
“good” AND HEALTHY!
I was glad to see that in this quote you listed communication ahead of “being tall”.
And Alb continues to give you some very good advice.
Remember ACTIONS speak louder than words – AND not just HIS ACTIONS…YOURS TOO.
You want to be treated a certain way?
Then do not allow yourself to be treated otherwise!
Now do me a favor…
Go back and re-read the MLC resources. Just for ha, ha’s.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
The resources do mean something differnt when you go back months later...cause not only is H in a differnt place, I am for sure!
I keep thinking that the biggest change I see in myself in how I deal with my sitch is that I bounce back really quick. In July and August...I couldn't seem to get out of the depression. Now I get sad, talk myself out of if, or someone else does and I am back. That is a good feeling.
Kids are in Chicago with my mom for the weekend - they just text me and they are having so much fun. My mom is the best grandma in the world. She is only 55 years old, so the girls think she is super cool. They are going Shopping all weekend.
SO, I made plans with a girlfriend tonight. I go home real quick to let the dogs out before I go out, and my H is at the house. Weird. Kids are gone. Anyway, he was taking a shower and getting ready to go out (he had just gotten back in town from work). He was going to go out with one of his best friends (who he totally withdrew from the last 5 months)! H said that he called his friend and asked him if he wanted to go have a couple of drinks. WOW. This is a big step for him. This is a friend who told him to get his head out of his arse and go back to his wife and kids.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
First I hope your enjoying yourself tonight. I am sitting here posting and listening to my little girl snore (she is so fu*king cute!).
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The resources do mean something differnt when you go back months later...cause not only is H in a differnt place, I am for sure!
Not only should you read the MLCer resources...read the LBS phases - it may help you identify with what you feel and why you feel it.
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I deal with my sitch is that I bounce back really quick. In July and August...I couldn't seem to get out of the depression. Now I get sad, talk myself out of if, or someone else does and I am back.
Yep - the cycle that we all go through. One day were done, one day we are angry, one day we are happy, one day we are sad. As you pointed out, the cycle period gets shorter and shorter. Soon, I believe that they really just fad away.
Your H appears to be moving in the right direction and I pray and hope that things work out for you.
I'll remind you again....
ACTIONS speak louder than words.
Stay true to you and what you believe and want in your life. The rest...it will work out the way it is suppose to.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Hey TAMF your sitch and Albs is similar to mine in many ways. I watch bth of you with interest. It s hard when the man you knew is replaced with the alien and yet every so often you see your H peeping through. And yeah my H has sort of started reconnecting with his family even if OW is there. If he ends u genuinely happy that is all I care about. Well aside from me and my girls happiness LOL. He has been more interested in the animals and things. Who knows what is going to happen but lets enjoy ourselves while we are standing.
Had a fantastic time on Friday night! One of my girlfriends who I haven't seen in a year went to dinner with me, then we saw one of my co-workers and her daughter out downtown. We ended up staying out until bar time. Crazy. I knew I had to drive home so I stopped drinking early and switched to water. My gf got so drunk...had to do a little babysitting but that was ok. We danced all night.
My H text me at 6am making sure I got home ok.
My girls were in Chicago all weekend with my mom, so yesterday I didn't even get out of my pjs! had a fire going, watched movies all day long. one of the most relaxing days I have had in a very very long time.
My H called me around 7pm just wondering what I was doing. Hoping that I was having a good day. He was going to work in the middle of the night.
He has text me and called me 2 xs today. No reason, just wanted to see what I was doing. See if I was ready for the Bears / Viking game. Told him I was making chili (which is his all time fav thing I make). He asked if it would be okay to come over to the house Monday to see me and the girls and spend the night. I told him that would be okay. He said,"I'm tryin babe, I am." I told him that we can go at his pace, it is okay.
Anyway, just watched Johnny Knox catch a beautifully thrown ball by Cutler. God I love my Bears!!!! VIKINGS SUCK!!!!
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Doug (one of our good friends back in our hometown which is in a different state 5 hours away)wants us tobuy his property. He'd sell it to us kinda cheap too.
I replied (keeping in mind that my H has been talking about this since before the bomb dropped, but I had told him HELL NO and wouldn't even talk about it, which now I find out really upset him that I wouldn't even have a conversation about it):Its worth a discussion...what is your thought? the whole school thing down there sounds like it is messed up - which is sad.
He text back: yup. Wants fifty. said we could have it for 30 & his boat whenever we want.
My reply: Well, lets talk about it.
He text: I love it out there.
Then subject changed to when he was going to be working home. Couple hours later I get this text: I would just hate to have the girls leave thier friends.
My reply: Yep
He text: It might be worth it though
My reply: It is worth talking about, one step at a time. I want to talk about a future together but I don't even know what tomorrow holds.
HIS MLC REPLY : I know. no promises.
I didn't reply. I will say it again for the millionth time - he is CRAZY! I actually laugh. Here he is talking about moving back to our hometown, buying property, which would mean building a house, uprooting the girls, moving back to the location that is causing him anxiety attacks because of his family issues, BUT yet he can't promise me that we will get back together. insane I tell you - LOL!!!
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
I will let him bring up the subject - not me. If and when he does, I will make sure it is not on the phone, but in person. I think I will mostly ask questions instead of giving an opinion. He needs to think about he pros and cons and voice them outloud. Not have me TELL him the pros and cons.
Thing is...moving back home is not a horrible idea for the FUTURE. BUT (and this is a big giant BUT) He has a lot to work on himself first. I know also that he can't totally let go of the OW yet. Even though they have talked about ending it - he still feels like he needs to talk to her. That has to end.
Somehow, in a very gentle way, I need him to realize for himself that we can't run away from our problems. Before we could even think about moving, we need to make sure we are together and healthy in our relationship.
I really think he just needs to occupy his mind from all the drama going on and think of the future where in his mind there is no more drama. Maybe I just let him dream and I just sit back and nod my head.
Thoughts???
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
If he is including you in future plans that is a good thing. The way I see it altho confused at present he is seeing you there where once it would have been a definite NO. I agree you need to let him think about the pros and cons. I had to shut my mouth Sunday as my H is thinking about stepping into our business again. He hated it and the way it's set up he couldn't possibly do it while living with OW as well as a multitude of other things It took all my will power to shut my mouth this is his life and his decision. He will think about all sides to it if he wants to go ahead with it. Good luck
but that was ok. We danced all night. 
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