WAW The cold & cruel truth 2

[25yearsmlc]

For me, divorce remedy was more specific b/c the first book spent a lot of time on how divorce sucks, which I already knew. But I'm glad you're doing better. Read comedies and guy flicks and get out with some MEN and do manly things.

At the risk of sounding condescending, which is NOT my intent, go out and get your ba##s back. It'll do you good and yes, it's attractive. Not for your wife. For YOU.

Be the best man you can be for YOU...and for the woman down the road who'll benefit greatly by all the wonderful traits you've cultivated & the flaws you've resolved or minimized. That's not to mean be a jerk. See if you can find posts by Robx out there. He's a good one to follow for "manly without being an ass" advice I think. We don't always agree, and it can seem high schoolish at times, but I think a guy needs a guy's imput sometimes. And I think your w's behavior is high schoolish. This "falling" in love as if there's no choice in the matter is Not adult behavior. How tiresome.

You deserve better. Tell yourself that EVERYDAY & believe it. At some point, you'll get it, with or without your w. See if you can "turn over" the pain and anger of your marriage or your marriage in total, over to God. The pain and anger consumed me. It stopped me from being fully present for my kids.
So when I turned it over to God b/c it was just too heavy for me to carry alone, sometimes (often) I would go take back the pain and anger from God. I'd repeat my same stuff all over again.

When I released it for good (for the most part), and didn't backslide for awhile, I noticed my life getting a lot better. A LOT. So turn it over to Him, for real.

Finally I planned for a life without h, but a good happy life. I knew it'd take time but SOME of it was pretty fast. Plan for what a happy life without your w would look like and flesh out the picture in your mind. DETAILS...start with...
MUCH LESS stress at home (as you are noticing already). That's good for the kids. For me, chick flicks? You bet! For you, manly films when the kids are gone and cooler family stuff with only a few explosions and bad guys (but always with heroes)...For me Eating yogurt & salad for dinner? Yeah, if we feel like it. For you? Maybe it's "steak and beer" thank you. For me, No toilet seats left up! Yay!! For you, no feminine hygiene products on the counter? I'm guessing. We all have our little quirks.

Yeah, small stuff at first. But then I got to the bigger upsides. I realized that I could, for the first time in 25 years, move to an area I CHOSE...and not for h's career. SO FREEING....to live anywhere I wanted!

And other men? They didn't frighten me. They intrigued me. They flattered me. I am a good catch and when I REALLY REALLY "got that"...I guess it showed. I looked forward to MOST parts of dating....well

ALl I know is I'm here now. Regardless of whether you and your w reconcile, I feel as if the point of DBing is really US becoming our best selves and liking who we are. Be a man only a fool would leave. If your wife is a fool, so be it. Who needs fools in life?

Good luck