It was a good post. Hard to read, but what I need to hear. I need to detach much more, and asap. The good news is that I am detached enough to pull off some fantastic DBing when I do see H.
Bad news is that I am still cycling through so much grief, sadness, anger and confusion. A part of me was expecting him to proceed with a divorce, but it still hit hard. I thought he would wait till after the holidays, but he says he is going to "go ahead and file," whatever that means.
One upside is that for whatever reason H is being more open right now about D3. Don't know if it is out of guilt, relief from telling me he was going to file, because he is hurting, or what. Whatever the reason, I don't feel like my D3 is being sucked into a black hole every time she is with him.
Down side is knowing how hard of a time she is having when she is away from me. Apparently it is routine for her to cry for me when he picks her up. She cries for about an hour before she falls asleep too.
Just got off the phone with D3 and he tells me again that she has been crying for me all evening. WHAT THE F@#% AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! I'M OT THE ONE WHO IS DOING THIS TO OUR FAMILY!
Did I mention the cycling through anger?
None of this makes any sense to me. My heart breaks for my little girl and for me too.
