Originally Posted By: TimeHeals I said to say something like, "I've already apologized for that" if she keeps bringing it up. You're not invalidating her, your are pointing out you already owned it, and you aren't telling her to get over it. Let her figure that out.
and throw a book at her back as she walks away crying, also? oh and swear at her. That always helps.
You can "own up" to your affair a zillion times times but in some way, shape or form the marriage and the people in it are never the same after that. Some people never get over it.
Good lord! You guys need to get things in perspective. In the first place....I didn't see where she was bringing up him having an A! But, anyway...........
If it is a matter of a woman needing to voice her feelings in order to get over something the man has done, then he should listen and show that he's concerned about what she feels. He could even ask her what he could do to help her feel better. But if it was twenty years ago, don't you think it's time to move past it?
I have known some women(notice I try to insert the word some) have taken one mistake (not necesarrily talking about adultry here) and would hold over the head of her H untill he died. She would harp on it and never let it go b/c she was able to bring the "wrong" up whenever she decided to use it against him. I've seen this ruin many M's b/c she would refuse to let it go and grow and move forward with life. It kills the R between a man & woman. I've seen some H's act more like whipped pups than men. When or if that starts to happen, it's time for him to tell her that he has apologized, it's in the past, it can't be undone, and time to move forward. Trust me, some women will not let it die until he decides to put the pants on and carry forward.
Obviously, an A would be quite a few levels apart from forgetting the Wedding anniversary. Do you see what I'm trying to say?
Some women are this way about all R's. I had a woman to get upset at me and I apologized several times but she just kept bringing it up. I finally told her that no matter how many times I apologized it would not make the mistake go away. She either forgave me or she didn't, but how many times would I have to apologize in order to make it right with her? That's just the way some people are, and it's not just women. I have known men to find fault with a Church, business, family relationships, or whatever......and it would end for them b/c they chose not to forgive and move on. Stubborness!!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
