It is very hard to let go no matter how bad they hurt you. Why is that?
IMHO, I think every person is different. So each of us will let go, detach, whatever you want to call it when we finally get to a place where we REALLY realize that the OLD M is totally freaking dead and nothing YOU do can revive it. It must die it’s own death in it’s own time. For me it has been a very painful process. One that honestly I still struggle with some days. You may not see it in my post Kissak but I too still ache, still hurt. That hurt is natural and MUST be felt. So as much as I or anyone else tells you to detach – do it how and when you feel most comfortable. The key is to do it with NO anger, which trust me is very tough.
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I still have so much anger towards him that I want to let out ON HIM just so I CAN fill better if only for one day.
Kissak – I feel ya. Man, sometimes I want to smack my W upside her head and tell her a few things; however, as that anger in me subsided, what I realized is that what I really wanted to tell her was….just how much I love her and that IF she would wake the f up we could fix this. I cannot because I cannot fix her. I can only fix myself. So….the anger you feel is understandable BUT it will go away if YOU let it. So how do you? You cry Kissak. You flat out cry your eyes out. You feel it. You take those days and crawl under the covers and just cry. Then when you feel that you are done crying….you cry some more.
What you should NOT do (at least not now) is to hurl the anger at HIM. It does you and him NO good. Yeah it may make you feel better for a few days BUT in the end it will NOT take away the deeper anger and pain that you have.
Take your time Kissak….take your time.
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I think part of me wanting him to text me is because it makes me feel like he still "needs" me
Kissak, this is your insecurities speaking. I know – I have them myself. The hardest thing in this process is getting to a place where you realize that YOU do not NEED anyone perse. Want yes – Need – NO.
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.....its nice to be needed,
Yes it is…so as the DB principals suggest – change how you look at things. So…how about you look at things this way….
Right NOW Kissak NEEDS Kissak. Yep, you need you right now. The real you. The you that is around when no else is around. The you that right now is a little scared, hurt BUT also pulling her internal resources to make it through this hard time. You really can do this Kissak. IF the “this” is becoming the person you always wanted to be! As for your H – he may see this and begin his own journey of killing and slaying his demons.
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but I want to be wanted as well.
You are wanted! You may not see it but I will suggest that you read your thread…psst…hint….remember the wonderful friends and family you talked about? I’m sure they want you. So yes Kissak you are wanted. Stand up today, cry, scream if you must, go for a nice long walk, hand out drinks at you pity party tonight AND THEN…
GET UP GIRL
Realize JUST HOW STRONG YOU ARE.
AND CHOOSE…
CHOOSE to accept that today is a bad day BUT tomorrow is another!
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I just dont understand and i dont think he does either
How do I get my grandmother in a nursing home to understand that she cannot remember that she has Alzheimer’s? I can’t.
Kissak I am pretty sure that I was also in a crisis for several years. Could anyone tell me I was? NO. I didn’t see it. I didn’t see it UNTIL I looked inside. WHEN I DID, well then I changed! The same can happen to your H. It really can. For now, just keep living your life cause you matter Kissak. May not feel it right now – but YOU do.
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why he is so able to be open and talk to me when we are not together....is that just how its meant to be....better off as friends?
Let me ask you a question……
On day 1 when you met your H did you guys run to the alter to get married? I bet not. So how did your M start? Psst…hint…(fill in the missing letters) F_I_N_D_.
If you figure out the word (I think you will) read your quote above it again.
Finally, who decides who is in your life?
Who decides who is not in your life?
Who decides what you will eat for dinner tonight?
Who decides if you are going to play powerball tonight (if you win – let me know please)?
You decide. Right?
So I guess you decide if You can and want what you have with your H.
Going dark, dim, does not mean it is over. “It” being whatever R that YOU define.
Have a good weekend Kissak and know that you are not alone.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
