I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned ..

[LanceSijan]

Stop it! ***** your not getting some sweet..."I will be okay" post from me.

I will send you a (((((HUG)))))))) if Eric won't.

[hope for zen]

I'm in the process of trying to pick myself up from a low point too. Its ok to vent. Better here than somewhere else.

hugs (((pei)))

[ericmsant2]

PEI

can't tell me you've never thought ENOUGH!

Yep – more so that I even let on and that’s when I come here and hope that someone gives me that swift kick in the rear to get me to see what I already know.

I'm making calls and setting appointments this weekend. I am actually setting a goal right now of booking 4 appts. There.

GOOD! 4 appts? Why not 8?

And last time I lost a bottle of rum

Next time shove it under the seat!

Thanks E. I needed that. Again.

I’m just returning the favor!

Nice to have a tutu wearing, 'Rican cheerleader on the sidelines when the games get rough, isn't it?

Can’t a tutu wearing man catch a break these days

Hopefully, your not reading this UNTIL after you make 20 appts

((((Hugs T))))

Eric

[PEI]

Thanks guys ... and I'm fine, REALLY I actually didn't realize just how angry the post sounded till Bear pointed it out to me ... thought it was just a little "rant"

I like to think that sometimes we get to shut down, quit being the strong one, the stable one, and just have a meltdown

Agreed. It all comes down to what you do with it, where you direct it and what you learn from it. I got hit with some of the rage that surfaces every once in a while. Venting helps and, for me, a good swift kick is the a$$ is often what it takes to thrust me forward again (but I will take that hug Lance ... thanks ). I tend to grow after stuff like this.

This wasn't even rage about H ... it was more "general" in nature ... and quite frankly, unnecessary. My life is good. I am very fortunate. Note to self *go back and read my anniversary post.*

Nice to have a tutu wearing, 'Rican cheerleader on the sidelines when the games get rough, isn't it?

Sure is. I wouldn't be where I am without him.

Should be interesting today ... we have a "mediation" appt today with the MC to talk about outstanding issues. Exposure to OW is what prompted the meeting originally but the holidays are now on the table too. Can't wait :P

Peace
PEI

[PEI]

I'm making calls and setting appointments this weekend. I am actually setting a goal right now of booking 4 appts. There.

GOOD! 4 appts? Why not 8?

... jeepers creepers E ... I have the kids this week! I'm good with 4.

And last time I lost a bottle of rum

Next time shove it under the seat!

Oh my friend ... we soooo think alike! I had it in the wheel well ... they searched the car

((((Hugs T))))

Thanks E ... it's good to know you, hell y'all, got my back

Peace
PEI

[Truegritter]

PEI

Some days are tougher than others.

And this is long journey.

Some days you have to tie another dog on the sled to make it.

[PEI]

PEI

Some days are tougher than others.

And this is long journey.

Some days you have to tie another dog on the sled to make it.

Hey there my big-brotha-from-anotha-motha ... you aren't by chance telling me to "tie one on" are ya?

LOL!

PEI

[hope for zen]

Hey, PEI, not to hijack your thread, but would you take a look at my thread? I could use some advice.

Thanks!

[PEI]

A bit of journalling, a bit of an update ...

Since I last posted we’ve been to the MC for our “mediation” session re the issue of OW’s extensive interactions/contact with the kids. That turned into a regular Barnum and Bailey’s three ring circus. In short, he can’t see squat, and it doesn’t matter that the MC is telling it to him. I got upset, very upset. He has no idea who I am. Period. It took me a few days to realize and accept that I had expectations going in. Without them I probably would not have gotten as upset as I did. I even almost walked out once.

Because we ran out of time, we ended up talking about Christmas a day or so later, and once again ... expectations. He informed me that he was doing gifts with the kids on Christmas eve at his house and then would pick them up from me on Tuesday (the 28th) for the night. As in ... keep the regular weekly schedule. He honestly wasn’t going to ask for them on Christmas Day. I couldn’t believe it. And no, it’s not because he’s a crappy daddy and was trying to get out of any kind of responsibility or anything ... it’s because he still can’t stomach the thought of any kind of confrontation and he assumed that’s what he would get from me. Sad. I told him that he was invited to do Christmas morning at the house with us and then after a visit at my mom and dad’s he was more than welcome to take them for the night. He said no to Christmas morning and was appreciative of getting them on Christmas Day night. I asked him to reconsider Christmas morning, he says an absolute no and here we are again. I was really upset. Honestly, how many spouses - having been cheated on, lied to, manipulated, left and used - would be in a healthy enough place to be willing to take the high road, invite the other spouse to Christmas morning so they could share the experience with the kids? It really got to me for a couple of days.

Then I let go.

Really. Let. Go.

Really and truly understood that I am on my own. We aren’t co-parenting. We will be parallel parenting. It’s not what I wanted, but it’s what I’ve got and I’m going to make peace with it. For me, for the kids, even for H.

It is what it is. And you know what?

It is good.

My life is good.
I am happy with who I am becoming.
I have peace.

... most of the time ... lol. I realized that even if I was living the “white picket fence, 2.5 kids, honda civic in the driveway” dream life ... there would be days that weren’t peaceful, times that were hard and experiences that would challenge me.

I don’t want my old life back.
And yes, I’ve been saying that since June for various reasons.
Sometimes, I think, to try to convince myself or some of you ...
But now ... I have peace and happiness with that thought.
It fits. Like my new skin. I’m comfy wearing it.

Ahhhh. Like a pair of worked in jeans.

I have had some amazing experiences in the last few months.

I felt love again. I gave and I received. And it was good. It was mutual, and difficult, and mature, and wonderful, and honest and real.

I have met some absolutely amazing people, some of the best friends - more like family really - that I girl could ever possibly hope for.

My best friend came out of nowhere really, but understands me the way no other person on the planet does. And tells me what I need to hear, not what I sometimes WANT to hear. I will be eternally grateful for his support and love. Maybe someday I’ll even be able to truly express how much his friendship means to me.

I now feel like I have a posse of brothers ... “friends are the family you choose for yourself” right? U guys know who you are ... as generous as I am with words, I find it hard to articulate how much you all mean to me and why.

And all of you on here. I may be “on my own” ... but I am not alone. And for that I thank you.

Peace
PEI

[warriorshadow]

P,

You know what I think happens? You get so used to being the one

is flexible and loving and caring that when our spouses treat us

this way we forget that they were treating us like that up until

the crisis actually hit.

The crisis did not hit the day of the affair or bomb it was way,

way, before that. We subconsciously just adapted to the way they

were treating us and tried to keep them happy. We made excuses

for them and did our own rationalization of their behavior. That

is what a supporting spouse does. Now, looking back? Wholly CHIT!

Now that you get to take the high road though, realize that most

of your requests will be shot down. How can they cooperate with

you? That would admit defeat. THEY CAN'T DO THAT!!!

But if you take the high road you can still try with no

expectations.

You and I both know that this is not likely to be over soon for

them so you are absolutely right!!

The friendships gained here are priceless. Where do you get a

continuous education about this stuff and have more self

motivation to DIG IN about relationships when you probably did

not have to think about it much in the past. Just goin' through

the motions like everybody else in this world. NOW, you will

become a rare species among the women of this world. More intune

to how men think and gee, read some minds (lol) and see things

in people that was not visible before.

AND, of course form friendships with people who all are

learning the SAME THING. Yup, people make mistakes, but who they

become on the other side? That is what it is all about. I see I

have a long way to go. But I am a slow learner. I am bound and

determined to do it the hard way because I miss the ques for

the shortcuts. But the hard way is better than no way and I have

YOU and all the other YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE's around here to

thank for that.

WS