So..........my H is buying a house.

[handlingplanb]

Eric - I have separated the death of my marriage from the R my H has with our kids. I had to do that a long time ago. He gets the kids every Monday and Tuesday night and every other Friday and Saturday. When this schedule was set up, it was agreed that the kids were my responsibility until they go to him at 6. For a lot of reasons I want/need to keep it that way. This also insures that I get to see them daily (even if just for an hour). That is not something I'm prepared to give up, and don't plan to - no matter what I find that I do for me.

What I have issue with is that H will text D17 and arrange plans with D13 - rather than contacting me. D17 doesn't and shouldn't be put in the middle. I've asked repeatedly that he just text me and ask about D13's plans - D17 doesn't know what D13's schedule is anyway. I have never said no if he asks me - doesn't matter if it's my night or his night - if he asks, I've always said it's ok if D13 didn't already have plans. I try not to get in to too much detail. Yes, I still have anger over the fact that we have to schedule time with our kids - I have anger over the fact that they have been forced in to this situation. Is it controlling to expect him to contact me to schedule extra time with the kids, rather than D17? It does make me angry that he continues to put D17 in the middle. Despite the anger over the situation I have not EVER tried to limit my H's time with the kids and have agreed to THIS schedule that he proposed.

Despite this schedule that has been in effect for over 2 years, my H still schedules depositions and out of town trips that involve his nights from time to time, and I get them on those nights (next Monday for example). I always offer to switch a night - so he doesn't feel like he is missing out. He has never taken me up on it.

I've read several chapters in the book. A lot of it is spot on, and I will put a bigger dent in it this weekend.

May be bullchit - but I guess that's who I am - a 45 year old that doesn't know where to start - but I am working on it.

I did have drinks with my friends last Thursday, and am going to do my best to schedule another outing on Tuesday. Unfortunately, as busy as my life is, I do ENJOY doing nothing (something my H found boring - but I don't care), and am finding doing nothing by myself is not as horrible as it was in the beginning.

I do live day by day, minute by minute. I DO live without thinking of my H most of the time - some days he gets only a fleeting moment in my head - and that is a HUGE improvement from the beginning of this.

I am working on it......had to type it.......can't show it here. I am slowly working on myself......I am losing weight I need to lose. I'm going to have some cosmetic dentistry over TG break - got that all scheduled last week. I've started thinking of my financial future and am working on getting my own credit card - got my first denial (which is like a slap in the face given what I helped build - and the credit that WE have and that I have ALWAYS paid the bills), but I will forge ahead and have a sister that can help.

I do still have a lot of work to do....and I am doing it, on my own slow schedule, but I'll get there. This is something I know now.