Welcome to divorcebusting.com--officially! Gutwrenching has given you some great advice. You are very articulate in identifying your issues.
I'm very sorry you are in this situation. It's tough, it's painful....but the good news is....it isn't over and it isn't too late.
I'll bet you already know what to do:
1. Stop begging and pleading, come here to vent your pain if you need to. 2. Be kind, be nice.... 3. You are going to need a LOT of patience with her. 4. Fill her cup. Start doing the right things. You are away, but 'date' her.
The downside of this that you will need to be patient for...at FIRST while you are doing this, she will feel she made the 'right' move pulling away. And in a sense, she did, because it woke you up. But you don't want to be reactive to her with this. When you have made a lot of progress, you might need to pull back but this isn't the time.
So...while you don't want to OVER pursue.... you will need to do some. It's a dance, and you can enjoy it.
Some of your clues are in how things went when you first fell in love, when things were good:
