At the same time, it seems like the WS has the A's because it feels so good to have someone think they walk on water. Its as though they take very personally the ups and downs of married life, the negotiating, the decisions that have to be made, the changing of diapers. That stuff makes them feel even more worthless and unlovable because the spouse is distracted with the day-to-day business of reality. But its hard on the ego--especially if your ego needs a lot of feedback.
BBJ, what you did seems normal to me--having kids at home is tiring, making decisions about where to live, jobs to take, houses to buy, those are decisions married people have to make. And they aren't easy. Sounds like Dan "caved" to avoid conflict, but you never knew what he really wanted or how much he wanted it. He caved before he even put it on the table, and then blamed you. My XH and I didn't deal with conflict well at all. We just ignored it--put it on the back burner. I think you have to learn how to have a good, positive fight--that might be the key to a good marriage!
