Sorry I've been AWOL for awhile. GAL for the last 3 evenings. I need to catch up on everyone's threads.
MHL, yhim, Mila, SA, Irish, punkin, and CW, thanks for stopping by. I wanted to post a couple things that I've realized about my situation over the last few days.
First, it seems that XH and I have gotten past any tension from our "discussion" 2 weeks ago (when I told XH "You're really good at the first part of a R, but not so good at what comes after that" and XH told me he was back dating GF#2 but wasn't telling her about how much we are in contact). XH was quiet for 1 1/2 weeks, but for the last few days it seems that our R is quite friendly again. XH and I have been sending funny e-mails and texts back and forth for the past few days..........I was thinking today during our funny, friendly exchanges today how different this was from our pre-D exchanges. Jody used to say "Drop the rope with H. Once you get past the D negotiating you will be able to have fun exchanges with H/XH again and that will lay the groundwork for possible reconnection". I was SO glad today that XH and I can have fun again, now that all of that legal posturing is a distant memory. This can happen for all of you too. D doesn't necessarily mean "the end". It could be a new beginning....
A GF told me yesterday that XH had sent 2 "friend" requests on FB in the past few days and XH e-mailed a funny/jokie e-mail to both my sister and me today........These events reminded me of other posts on the MLC board saying the MLCer reconnects with friends, children, pets, and other family before reconnecting with the LBS....No expectations, just observing.
A second thing that I have noticed is that XH seems to respond well to situations where he can be protective of me. I first noticed this 2 months ago when I told him about the anonymous package........then I noticed a similar response when we chatted 2 days ago after TT, when I told XH how poorly my former project manager had treated me recently. I will have to keep that in mind.
MHL, I wanted to respond to your posts. You are SO generous with your perspective and I REALLY appreciate it....Seriously. Your posts have really challenged me and helped me to grow in this process............and I think that I have nearly finished picking the splinters out of my forehead. It only hurts when I squint now.
Originally Posted By: missherlove
I would rather try to put it back together with my messed up W then go out and more than likely find another person that is equally messed up and not really realize it until my life is meshed with theirs. (eeewwwwhhhh, pass the air sickness bag please).
For the record, I want to say that I agree with you on this count
Originally Posted By: missherlove
Until he makes a move towards you or things progress any further, do you really give a chit about what his BMF thinks? For that matter do you really even care that your XH has a BMF? Stop giving this person (BMF) so much "control" over your decisions, your relationships, YOUR LIFE.
You are correct that I have been using BMF as a litmus test. I have projected a lot of anger toward BMF in the same way that others project anger toward the OW/OM. I wanted to see that the road block ahead had been cleared before investing in starting on the trip toward reconnection (mental image of a road trip from Chicago to Miami.....there's a big traffic pile-up in Tennesee ....I'm reluctant to start on the trip because I don't think the pile up will be cleared by the time I get there, when in fact it most likely will be........or there will be an alternate route). The true litmus test probably really needs to be whether XH is willing to work on himself and on our R if reconnection occurs. If XH is ever motivated to build a new romantic R, he will be open to addressing the intimacy issue and if a new R has the kind of intimacy needed to succeed, someone like BMF won't be a threat.
Originally Posted By: missherlove
Oh yeah, I went back and read your thread and how you guys had the first kiss........guess what??? You are going to have to be the one to initiate any romantic, sexual contact. From what I read he probably is not going to, but you know him best.
I appreciate your masculine "read" on our dynamic. I've wondered about this myself.
