I have been thinking about the ease of being responsible only for oneself (plus a child) instead of worrying about pleasing and taking care of a spouse on top of it all. The guilt of taking time for oneself and neglecting the spouse...the pressure of fitting it all in (spouse and S and job and friends and self and spouse).
It is hard as hell to take care of a child by myself. But I do have some built in "breaks" due to the divorce/separation where exH takes S. I wouldn't have that while married...I have no clue how that would feel or look like with a husband in the picture.
Bizarre stuff. Don't get me wrong- I would still prefer to juggle it all and be married(there are soooo many benefits to being married) but it is weird to see some silver linings to not being married. I feel very vulnerable sharing that with you all!!!
I totally get you on all of this newmama. It's bizarre and ironic that now that our M is over, I am finally getting the serious help from H that I needed all along...enough help and freedom to go out at night, GAL, etc. My experience as a mother of a baby was so different than yours...partly due to parenting choices and partly due to not having any significant breaks. And dealing with a spouse's needs is not trivial. I was AMAZED at how much less laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc. work was required once H moved out. Not to mention the communication/negotiation/walking on eggshells. The silver linings are there and we should appreciate them. And also realize that in order for someone to step into the spouse role, it would have to be REALLY worth it, because it would involve some compromise.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
